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Saturday, March 24, 2012

It IS What It IS

When you adopt this philosophy as your way of life, things become clearer and your life becomes less complicated. You cannot change everything and those you can, you must. Those you cannot, you must accept if you are to live in peace.


Not everything we first perceive as being unchangeable is so. It never hurts to sit back and evaluate each situation and search for what might be done to improve any situation. What might not be done to improve the same. Sometimes it's not so much what we must do as it is what we must NOT do to make something better. We need to learn when to act and when to retreat and let things play out.


Understanding that we can only change or control who and what we are, never who or what someone else might be, helps to evaluate what can be changed and what is what it is.


Today I am thinking of our future. Planning the summer. Planning the winter and looking forward to our real retirement. (Roomy still works 40+ hours a week.) The time when we don't either of us have a job and our time really is our own. That means, selling our house. We both love living here, but also know that in retirement it is too much work and too much expense. We don't want to be owned by the house we have worked for years to pay for. We want to recoup some of our investment and use that cash to make our new lives. Deciding whether to buy a nice motor-home or just head to Arizona full time is not easy. No decision there yet. We might even just rent an apartment here in Michigan and winter in Arizona until that is not practical. Then another decision will have to be made.


So why are we still thinking all this over and not really making a plan?  Simple enough, really. I convinced my mom to move here a couple years ago and I love having her near me and part of my everyday life. She doesn't want to go to Arizona to live and I don't want to go without her. She doesn't want to winter there and I don't want to go without her. She says she likes the change of seasons, but I can tell you that she has not enjoyed this rather mild winter we just had at all. She likes to be outside. It was too cold for that. She likes to be barefoot, a little cold for that, too. She got a little cabin fever, but didn't want to go anywhere. So, it is what it is, I can't change this and I have no desire to be a day's travel away from her for more than a couple of weeks. I love Momma and I have waited many years to have her nearby and I am going to enjoy my time with her for as long as she will let me and as long as God will let me. I am where I belong right now and what will be, remains to be seen.


Accepting that our life is what it is for now, wasn't easy at first. I am used to doing what I like when I like and for as long as I like. Now I consider what will work best for her and how I can make it better. That is what my life is right now and I am fine with that. She did that for me and two other kids for many years, it's now my turn to reciprocate. Now I think about how we will do whatever it might be to make her life better and that in turn makes mine better.  


I married a man who thinks I should have what I want. I love that about him! He also loves my mom and understands and agrees that making her life all it can be is our job one now and that my friends and readers is what it is.


It IS what It IS because Roomy and I have chosen to accept what we cannot change.


Jo

14 comments:

  1. You are doing the right thing for now. Your Mom is the most important right now. I took care of my Mom for 15 years. I did what I had to do. She is gone now and I still have plenty of time to do what I want to do. Also, plenty of time for those decisions for the full retirement.

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    1. Yep and I totally know that, Darlene. It wasn't a difficult decision. It was difficult to accept that she wasn't always going to like my ideas! LOL

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    2. I hear you. I tried really hard to let my Mom live her life without interference, but there are times where the elderly need for someone to take some matters into hand. As you no doubt know, it is a delicate balancing act for them to maintain their independence AND at the same time you are looking out for her best welfare. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about.

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    3. She is of very sound mind! She makes good decisions and knows what she wants. It's just that I know if she would go out there with us, she would love it! But it isn't going to happen so...it is what it is.

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  2. Very nice, Jo. When my family moved to the Monterey Peninsula, away from my Mom - we knew we needed to bring her near us. It was quite a feat, but we did it and she is about 10 minutes away. I too, watch over her and my husband and I are here for her. She is in her 80's and holding her own, but still needs us. I too, have thought of moving to a new location, but know I couldn't go without my Mom in tow. That would just be too much for her right now. She's snug as a bug in her little town home and her location is perfect. Grocery stores, Walgreen's and Target near by. Yes, it is our turn to give back! 8o)

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    1. That is exactly right. Mom doesn't drive and she can't get to any stores on foot so I am the taxi. LOL I enjoy it and I enjoy her. It's not a problem. It's a joy.
      Thanks Linda. ♥

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  3. I think you are doing exactly what you should be right now. Your mom won't always be about. Enjoy her while you can and be there for her. When there comes a time when she is gone, you will have no regrets. You will be happy you stayed put. Time will come when life's road will change and lead you exactly where you want to go.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

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    1. She is very healthy and may well outlive all of us, but ya know,it doesn't matter. I'm happy to have time with her and I'm happy to do whatever needs doing!

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  4. my motto too, jo. i like that you want to be near your mom. and that you just accept that that is the way it will be. for now. rudy wants to purchase a motor home some day, to traveling from sports game to sports game, across the US. your positive attitude is also what makes life so much easier, along with the 'it is what is it'.

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    1. I did this already, but it disappeared! That sounds like fun to me and I really appreciate your thoughts about positive attitudes. What is more important? If you think you can, you can.

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  5. You know, I don't say "It is what it is"; I say, "Use what's there."

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  6. Aw! God bless your momma! I'm glad you have her so close and that the bond is even closer!

    I'm not a big fan of the "It is what it is" saying though. lol I try not to plan too far ahead in to the future, mainly because nothing can ever be set in stone but I know it's good to at least have direction. I'm not a control freak, either, and I find that makes it less difficult to roll with the punches whenever life swings at me. So I guess in a sense, the quote kind of fits for me too but it always seemed like people overused it and most of the time, in situations where they are unhappy. So it's ruined for me.

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    1. I agree that it is overused, but I still think it has some validity. If you can't change what is happening or what is, then you gotta deal.
      That's really all it means to me. Being in control is a good thing for me, but when I'm not, I am able to accept. Good enough. ♥

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