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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Obscurity

If you speak obscurely, you may well be misunderstood. Communication requires clarity and precision in order to be effective.

That seems simple enough doesn't it?

Yet, we all wander through life misunderstanding each other. Almost daily something will pass through your mind that isn't clear. Did that person mean this? Or was it that? You may have thought one thing was said, when the speaker meant something completely opposite. Words make the difference along with tone and application.

If you need to be understood, take your time. Think about your meaning, first. Think about your tone next and finally formulate the words and rethink the whole thing. Avoid obscurity, avoid being misunderstood and don't try to speak with such eloquence as to dazzle, but rather with such clarity as to be understood, as you wish.

If you need to tell someone they have hurt you, say that. If you need to tell them how they hurt you, say that. Don't tell some made up story about someone else to make your point, too obscure. Be direct and be honest and be as kind as the situation will allow. But make your point. Clearly, make your point.

When listening to someone who is trying to tell you something, listen carefully. If you aren't totally clear on their meaning, ask them for clarification. You owe it to yourself to hear things as they were meant and you owe it to others to say things without obscurity.

Jo

18 comments:

  1. This is my first time stopping by and I am so very happy that I did. I love this post and look forward to reading many more..

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    1. Thank you Roe and I will be returning the favor! I'm happy you stopped by and let me know you were here. :) It's very nice to meet you.

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  2. You mean I can't try to keep 'em guessing? Good advice. XOXO

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    1. Just pulled you out of spam...good gravy! Nope, not a good plan ... ♥

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  3. Not speak in riddles? Not say one thing and expect the other person to know that what you said wasn't REALLY what you meant?

    What a novel idea. People should try this. :-)

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    1. I know! It could change the world. <3

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  4. I've seen so many people who are unhappy because they don't get what they want/need from another, yet they are unwilling to tell that person what it is that they want and need. I simply doesn't make any sense to me.

    I don't expect anyone to have a crystal ball. I don't believe that they will magically know what I'm thinking. If it's important to me, I say it. And when something is important to someone I care about, I make sure I'm listening--really listening.

    Great post, Jo.

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    1. That is so true. I think you have a good plan there. I believe if you want it you gotta ask for it. <3

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  5. I have always believed in telling it just how it is. It works for me. :D Great post Jo!!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. I know you do and I love that about you! <3

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  6. My Grandma used to say, "Speak plainly and wisely", which meant--not beating around the bush--and make your point clear. I have always tried to shoot it straight from the hip--otherwise, I'd be playing head games--and that is something I am not very good at. Great take on Obscurity!!

    Cheers, Jenn
    http://www.wine-n-chat.com

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    1. Thanks ma'am! I do tend to just say it and I do appreciate the same in return. It's a good way to live, I think.

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  7. I'm an Italian woman and if you've read my blog - which I know you have, and I thank you - I ALWAYS tell it like it is.. From my perspective and ALWAYS listen to someone elses. Everybody has their own spin on things and I totally agree. Clarity in communication is key. Being from a large Italian family which was often.. Um.. Loud.. Our "family discussions" would often times reach nursing home volume and my Dad would always talk us down off the ledge by telling us that "just because you yell doesn't make you right." He of course was always right.. :)

    PS - Thanks for following me.. I've been following you for a while! Ha! Beat ya'to it! :D - I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!

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    1. So we are running around a big ole circle! Okay then! I appreciate straight talk and honesty...seems such a simple thing. If you want me to know something, tell me!

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  8. Obscurity is foreign to me... hehehhehe... Seriously though, even when we make every attempt to be "clear" with another person, we will likely be able to achieve a 50% ratio of understanding as it was intended. I wonder what the odds are when people ARE obscure.

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    1. I'd say 50%! I know what you say is true and the listening part is often missing. As a motivational speaker I used to tell people, "If you want to be remembered, if you want your message remembered, repeat it 10 times using different words. We must hear something new 10 times to own it." Many studies back this claim and I believe it's accurate.
      So it stands to reason if you are clearly saying what you need to say and the listener is half listening, unless you continued for 9 more times and some of those times the listener actually listens, maybe you won't be 'heard'. But we keep trying, don't we? ♥

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  9. It so bothers me when what I say becomes misconstrued. I guess I just need to make sure others understand what I say before I walk away. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Yep, that is the key Susan. Ask, "Do you know what I am saying?" ♥

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