Recently I realized something that I believe is inherent in all of our lives. The need to be someone's priority. A basic human need to be the most important person to someone. It opened my eyes to the way I approach some of my relationships. Who are the people in my life for whom I need to provide that vital component? Am I doing a good job? And who is providing that for me?
The most obvious answer to the 'who' question came quickly. My mother and my husband need me to give them top priority. My mother wins if there is a conflict. I do this. I think I do it well. There is nothing that stops me from seeing to my mom's wants and my husband is pretty much my full time job since I retired. Well, I mean, the new role he has bestowed upon me. I have become the picker-upper of all things he leaves lying around. I have become the doer of all things he doesn't see that need to be done. While he used to be a Mr. Clean kind of man, now he is a she'll get that later kind of guy. Not sure how I allowed this to develop, but I imagine it is because I do pick stuff up and I do throw stuff away and it does bother me. It apparently doesn't bother him. That is a change in him, not me. It has always bothered me, used to bother him. In any case, I do feel Roomy is a priority to me and the things I do for him, I do because I want him to be comfortable and relaxed in his home. I do them because I want to do them. I want them done. It is important to me that anything he needs or wants gets done or given or purchased or whatever because making his life good is part of my job. I like my job.
Mom asks for basically nothing. She seldom says, "Do you think we can....", but when she does, we do it. I have to intuit most of her needs and wants because she doesn't want to put me out or take advantage of me or add to my work load. That's a blessing and a curse. I have to be on my toes at all times so that she remains my priority. There really is nothing in my life more important or vital than seeing that her life is as good as it can be. Her children are an important component in her life and getting us together a few times a year is one of her favorite things. We do that. There are only three of us and it isn't that difficult, but at all costs, it happens a few times a year. My brother lives out of state and so based on his visits, my sister and I arrange a lunch of some sort so she can have us all together at Mom's, my sister's or here. It makes her happy and that makes all of us happy. I love getting together with my siblings and Mom and I imagine they do also.
At the beauty salon last week, our appointment time needed to be changed for next week because our hairdresser had booked someone else in our time spot. She forgot, she said. I don't care, we have a lot of flexibility in our schedules, Mom and I do. I don't care what time we go and was fine with it. Mom was not. She was upset. It took me a while to figure it out. She wants to be too important to this hairdresser to be 'forgotten' and moved around in her book. Light bulb moment! Mom wants to be somebody else's priority, too. I'm sure that is it. She wants to be a priority to the person she is now paying to make her beautiful each week at 1:00 on Friday. A standing appointment that is not moved to accommodate someone else.
It occurs to me now that we all need that. If we are in a relationship, our significant other MUST be the one to give it. If we are not, maybe a lot of other people need to provide that absolutely vital recognition.
I can only hope now that I am aware, I will be able to provide this for Momma and Roomy. I also hope that someone will always provide that for me.