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Thursday, April 26, 2012

SOMEONE'S PRIORITY

Recently I realized something that I believe is inherent in all of our lives. The need to be someone's priority. A basic human need to be the most important person to someone. It opened my eyes to the way I approach some of my relationships. Who are the people in my life for whom I need to provide that vital component? Am I doing a good job? And who is providing that for me?


The most obvious answer to the 'who' question came quickly. My mother and my husband need me to give them top priority. My mother wins if there is a conflict. I do this. I think I do it well. There is nothing that stops me from seeing to my mom's wants and my husband is pretty much my full time job since I retired.  Well, I mean, the new role he has bestowed upon me. I have become the picker-upper of all things he leaves lying around. I have become the doer of all things he doesn't see that need to be done. While he used to be a Mr. Clean kind of man, now he is a she'll get that later kind of guy. Not sure how I allowed this to develop, but I imagine it is because I do pick stuff up and I do throw stuff away and it does bother me. It apparently doesn't bother him. That is a change in him, not me. It has always bothered me, used to bother him. In any case, I do feel Roomy is a priority to me and the things I do for him, I do because I want him to be comfortable and relaxed in his home. I do them because I want to do them. I want them done. It is important to me that anything he needs or wants gets done or given or purchased or whatever because making his life good is part of my job. I like my job.


Mom asks for basically nothing. She seldom says, "Do you think we can....", but when she does, we do it. I have to intuit most of her needs and wants because she doesn't want to put me out or take advantage of me or add to my work load. That's a blessing and a curse. I have to be on my toes at all times so that she remains my priority. There really is nothing in my life more important or vital than seeing that her life is as good as it can be. Her children are an important component in her life and getting us together a few times a year is one of her favorite things. We do that. There are only three of us and it isn't that difficult, but at all costs, it happens a few times a year. My brother lives out of state and so based on his visits, my sister and I arrange a lunch of some sort so she can have us all together at Mom's, my sister's or here. It makes her happy and that makes all of us happy. I love getting together with my siblings and Mom and I imagine they do also. 


At the beauty salon last week, our appointment time needed to be changed for next week because our hairdresser had booked someone else in our time spot. She forgot, she said. I don't care, we have a lot of flexibility in our schedules, Mom and I do. I don't care what time we go and was fine with it. Mom was not. She was upset. It took me a while to figure it out. She wants to be too important to this hairdresser to be 'forgotten' and moved around in her book. Light bulb moment!  Mom wants to be somebody else's priority, too. I'm sure that is it. She wants to be a priority to the person she is now paying to make her beautiful each week at 1:00 on Friday. A standing appointment that is not moved to accommodate someone else. 


It occurs to me now that we all need that. If we are in a relationship, our significant other MUST be the one to give it. If we are not, maybe a lot of other people need to provide that absolutely vital recognition. 


I can only hope now that I am aware, I will be able to provide this for Momma and Roomy. I also hope that someone will always provide that for me. 


Jo

23 comments:

  1. Jo--this was such a refreshing post. Being a priority, I believe, IS a basic human need...I do think it goes beyond a want or even a desire. I'm slowly getting caught up --so I'll be visiting some more this weekend :)

    Cheers, Jenn

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    1. Welcome home and the catching up is going to be monumental. A lot of really good posts are being done daily in the A-Z and I hate missing even one.
      Thank you for your kindness and mostly for taking time to read and comment.
      I appreciate it and hope you have someone to whom you are a priority. ♥

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  2. Very thoughtful post, Jo. It really left me thinking... :)

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    1. It had me thinking, too. :) ♥

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  3. Yep, we all need to know we matter and that we matter a lot. Telling people you love them is nice, but showing them, day after day in ways large and small, that's the stuff that really nestles around them.

    Nice post, Jo.

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    1. You just told me by taking the time to read this. I appreciate that very much. Showing love and appreciation is so important and giving people their due by your own actions is monumental.
      Thanks you for always valuing me and my work.

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  4. really interesting how you read that hair appt -- how that light bulb went off. And so familiar. I too have to "intuit" my mother's needs, and maybe because our mothers like us, are used to taking care of everyone else. Our husbands aren't. One of the biggest ffights we had a couple of years ago was when I blew up at my husband about why he drops his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor before going in for a shower. Do you know for the first seven years of our marriage I dutifully picked them up and put them in the hamper? But we were having an argument about something larger, and that issue came up huge. He seemed to be sending me a message that I resented. I mean, if he didn't put his clothes in the hamper, who was goiing to do it? And why?

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    1. I know exactly what you are saying Sandra. I have put it right in my Roomy's face more than once. It is a matter of respect. I respect his time and energy and appreciate all he does to make our home and our life better, I expect the same in return. Simple enough, I think.
      I am quite intuitive by nature, thank goodness. She will not ask for anything, ever! Unless I have already brought something up, then she may remind me. lol
      Thanks for making time for me and my head clearing post. ♥

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  5. I love this Jo. You are a good daughter. I might have picked up after roomie, and tossed his crap into his closet, but a guy that helps to make mom a priority is a good guy to have around. :)

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    1. Yeah, it's a give and take thing. I'll retrain him if he ever retires! Right now he works over 40 hrs. a week and I cut him a lot of slack.
      He loves my Momma and she loves him right back, so it all works for us and she is so worth my little efforts.

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  6. I love that you have your mother and are sticking up for her. She deserves to be a priority.

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    1. Thanks and I totally agree. She's my Momma after all!

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  7. I used to be a priority for my kids... but then they grew up and I'm not the top priority anymore. :( I'd say I'm my husband's priority, but 9:00 at night and he's still stuck at work. He's been saying he'll be home soon since six. So, should I put the taco ingredients away?


    Catch My Words
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. Yeah, I'm gonna say yes on the taco stuff. I am not really sure if I'm anybody's priority right now either, as I said, it should be our other half, but work is work and it's a tough call for him if he has to choose between work and the ball and chain. Maybe one day. ♥

      I'd love to be my kids priority once in a while, but sadly, that isn't the case.

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  8. Jo, you are such a good daughter and partner, always so thoughtful. You will always be a priority for me. XOXO

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    1. I love that KAT...I think I'm not as good at either as I like to make myself sound. I just know that I try really hard. ♥ u back and I know how important all my friends are to me, where would I be without them?

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  9. hi jo. i am like you... i just do things.. everything, for everyone.. around here.. to make their lives easier, more comfortable... the thing is i feel mad sometimes that the sentiment is not returned, as often.. they are my priority, but i am not always theirs.... something i continuously grabble with.... so i agree.. we all want to be someone's priority... great thought provoking post.. :D

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    1. Oddly, I don't really get resentful so much as I get pouty. I sometimes think that I am the only one who cares if things are neat and tidy and if I am, then it is my job to keep them that way. Other times, I just think he thinks I do nothing all day, so I can take care of things he leaves out while he's off working hard and bringing home the bacon. I don't know...it's a good life and I have few complaints.

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  10. The song "You Can't Always Get What You Want" goes through my head... as I read the post, and the responses. It is in times like this that I realize most everyone I know has a "significant other" or "Roomy", "husband", "partner" that they count as this person who supplies them with that feeling of being "the most important something" to someone else. (pauses... )

    I'm important to a lot of people, and loved by many, don't get me wrong... but I don't know that I have EVER felt that I was someone's priority. Not in the way that you have described it. That's a kind of empty that I don't spend much time thinking about.

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    1. I hear you k~,,,I do have a significant other and I'm not really sure that I am his priority. I don't think it always is the way I want it, (thanks for the damned song in my head now) I just think it SHOULD be that way. I don't think I have been anyone's priority either. I do want that. I do crave that. But I don't have that.

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    2. Many hugZ to you Jo, thank you for being so honest with me. I appreciate you more each day that passes, and I am grateful you have become part of those things, and people that I look forward to.

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  11. It's really nice to be someone's priority. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post!

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  12. I'm pretty sure I would like that. I'm also pretty sure I love giving it. Maybe that is my role. ♥

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