One of the most common and most often committed of the seven deadly sins could be envy. Who hasn't envied someone at some point in their life. I wonder why that is. I wonder what makes us want what someone else has or what makes us want to be someone else or live their life. I wonder why we aren't just happy for what we are and what we have. Isn't it ever enough?
I want a life of "enough". I am trying and am still totally a work in progress, to live with what I have and accept who I am. To stop wanting more or seeking better. I am hoping to understand and then implement the idea of "enough". I am good enough just as I am today. I have more than I need right now. I want that solidly pounded into my brain and part of my everyday life. I still want my life to get better as I live it. I want to always be improving who I am and I want my home to be well maintained and as maintenance free as possible. Those are not in contradiction to being enough and having enough. Those are growing and improving things.
I am talking more about seeing something someone else has or a picture of some perfect thing that I then wish to own. I am talking about seeing someone I think is beautiful and wishing I looked more like that. Knowing someone who is more patient, more loving or more intelligent and wishing I was. That is what I am working to end in my life.
What is beautiful is being who you are. What is intelligent is knowing you are enough. What is patient is accepting who you and who others are. What is loving is giving of yourself. That is where I need to be and I am getting closer. The things I see that I think I want, I am not apt to go find now. I know that I own enough things. The things I might be pursuing in the future are things that will make our house more attractive to a buyer. The pretties I see or the gadgets I think I would enjoy, I'm trying to pass up. I have enough stuff.
Simplify. That's my goal. Because Envy isn't a pretty thing and it isn't a healthy thing. It leads you to do things you know aren't right for you or your situation, but you forge ahead. Why? Because someone else has it. Or worse, you can't be happy for the person who has it because you are too irritated that you can't have it.
Ever visit a really remarkable home and then go home and feel like you live in a hovel? I used to do that. I don't now. We have a modest and cute house. It's our home. I like it here a lot. When we move out it will be to find someplace with less work attached and probably in a warmer climate. This little house is not a bargain utility wise. Our electric and heat bills are ridiculous. We will need to find a more economical place one day and that won't be because we are envious of someone else's home, it will be because we need to live within our means. Retirement means less means. But for now, it's home and it's enough.
I am enough. A work in progress, but for today, enough.
Envy thou shalt not own me.