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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You Are Beautiful




The year is 2012 and I will celebrate my 63rd birthday before this year ends. My days of being beautiful on the outside, if they ever existed, are most certainly over; my days of inner beauty have only just begun.

It is difficult not to notice how each generation of women especially, but some men also, become more and more obsessed with their physical appearance. I’m not saying my generation wasn’t interested in looking good or being cool or sexy, I’m just saying it didn’t consume our lives. We wanted the latest hairstyle and the latest clothes, if we could afford them, but it didn’t cause us to like someone more or less if they didn’t have it all, maybe it was just my group of friends. In my teen years and even my early adult years, I don’t remember being a slave to make-up or ever freaking out about what I would wear to something. I do remember back-combing my hair into oblivion to get the perfectly round helmet hair and then spraying it with Aqua Net so it couldn’t move…EVER.

Today’s girls I see spending an inordinate amount of time and money on make-up, hair coloring, and clothes and being incapable of NOT looking in a mirror if one is in the room. Studying, making faces, turning, posing; what’s that about? How did we raise these people? Nothing inside matters nearly as much as what is outside?  This makes me very sad. Truly heartbreakingly sad.

I spent many years applying make-up every single day, working or not, because I needed to look my ‘best’ or so I thought. I was a hairdresser. I needed to look like my clients wanted to look or so I thought. If I wore the cool cuts, the cool colors and my make-up was just right, people would feel confident sitting in my chair or so I was told and I, in turn, told many young hairdressers. In hindsight, there is some truth to that. To succeed you must look like you already have. To be the most requested hairdresser in the salon, you must look like you already are. I believe that and I believe if you are in the beauty business, as I was, you do need to wear make-up and have your hair done nicely every day. What I am not so sure about is whether your clients really care about that as much as they care that you give a killer haircut that they can style when they get home. The ‘package’ only sells you one time. The work sells you repeatedly. Treating every single client like your favorite one, sells you forever.

Isn’t life the same? Don’t we make acquaintances because of where we are more than how we look? First impressions may be based solely on how we present ourselves to the world, but is it really about make-up and hairstyle? Is it really about whether or not you are wearing this year’s outfit?

I hope not. I hope it’s much more about what you said. How you said it and to whom you paid attention I hope, matters more in the long run. Are you sincere and do you engage people or just talk at them? Do you listen? Do you HEAR?  This has to be more important, otherwise this old gal is lost. And so are many other people I am very fond of.

I have heard our generation being called the invisible generation. No one notices us anymore. Our hair is just hair. Our faces are lined and forgettable. Our clothes are probably 20 years old or older and our shoes are just for comfort. Make-up, if used at all, is expected to be over-used since we can’t see anymore.  Yet, we have real friends. We have people who actually care whether we live or die and in fact, care HOW we are. Why is that if it’s all about how we look?

Is it really about how much you weigh?  Nope. Your health may be or may not be about the number on your scale, but your friends don’t care. You are equally loveable at 250 pounds, 150 pounds or 95 pounds. Because your belly and your butt are not the reasons people do or don’t like you. Your heart is. Your personality is what attracts or repels people, not your fat or your bones. Just like the hairstyle and the make-up, they are not who you are, they are what you do; being heavy or too thin, being too short or too tall is not who you are, but rather how you are built.

I know I have rambled on here and I know that I have not really addressed beauty, but I have addressed my irritation about a world of women growing into their invisible years with zero chance of being happy because they are obsessed with not looking like they did when they were 20. Of course, when they were 20 they thought they were fat and had a big nose or some other unforgivable flaw. They didn’t then and they don’t now, but they will never believe that because they have never developed the beautiful personality. The giving, the sharing, the hugging, the loving personality that would always make them friends wherever they go, was never nurtured into fruition. It doesn’t leave anything for the golden years, but sadness and grief over the lost physical beauty and nothing to replace it.

My face is far less than pretty. At one time, I guess it was okay, but never pretty to me. I never felt as desirable as I knew some of my friends were, but I always managed to be happy enough with my appearance. I had a great deal of confidence and I believed I was a good person, even as a teenager. I knew I had good friends and I knew my family thought highly of me. I assumed from all of that, I must be a good person. My teenage years were happy and social and I would dare to say, though my memory is vague about a lot of things, I am quite certain I made some lifelong friends back then and I am still very blessed to have many of them in my life again. It had nothing to do with my looks or theirs, then or now, it has to do with who we are inside. The kind of people we have become and the kind of people we were back in the day. We are and we were good people with good hearts and a decent set of morals. That has served us well into our 6th decade of life.

I no longer wear make-up every day. I put on a little mascara and lipstick and out the door I go.  I comb my hair, but it’s not a 20 minute style, it’s very simple and neat.  I dress to be comfortable and try not to wear anything too wrinkled or stained. If I like it, I wear it. I care much more about who I am and who I am with than I do about how I look. I think I care more about being clean and being kind than I do about being gorgeous. That’s a good thing or I could never leave the house!

I can’t change the world away from all the emphasis on physical beauty, but I can change one thing. I can stop judging other women based on their looks or their weight or their outfit. I can stop judging everyone by what I see and decide instead who I like based on who they are and how they live their life. I choose this one.

I choose to find the beauty within the people in my life and oddly or maybe not so oddly, they are all positively beautiful people.  Yes, if you live a good life, if you care about other people and their needs and their lives, if you are a giving human with empathy, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Jo

31 comments:

  1. Amen Sister! I couldn't agree with you more. When I was a teenager a friend of mine had a come as you are party. None of the guest knew about the party until the night of the event when his mom showed up at your door to pick you up. I had curlers in my wet hair and no makeup. Can you imagine some of these girls today going to a party like that!

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    1. BTW...you are most beautiful inside and out! XOXO

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    2. OMG! How fun! No, today, they would not go. I wish we could do something as grandmas to make a change, but they see us as the old women who just do Grandma stuff and don't know about looks and living in today's world. Really makes me sad.

      Thank you, Kat. You already know that I think your beauty is total. You live with your heart on your sleeve and I absolutely love you for so many reasons.

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  2. Something that needed to be write and needs to be read, Jo. There's a fine line between taking care of oneself and becoming self-obsessed. I'm sorry to say that this line is getting crossed more and more these days.

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    1. I'm not really sure it's such a fine line. I think it's important to be well groomed and hygiene is a must, but seeking perfection for an imperfect human is just a waste. I see it as take care of what you have, enjoy the gifts you have been given and present yourself to the world in your own best light, whatever that means to YOU.

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  3. I heard about your blog fom Corinne... Aqua Net .. oh my goodness, you are right...the hair never moved! I am grateful that life taught me the vanity lesson and I am paying attention! glad I stopped by...thank you for sharing.

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    1. Welcome Amy and thank you Corinne for sharing my post.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and I hope the moms and grandmas out there will work very hard to help shape our girls minds to accept who and what they are.

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  4. I have to say, I'm really glad I have boys,not girls; I'm appalled at how even preschool girls care about what they wear! At my son's preschool they actually had to send a notice home asking mothers not to let their girls come to school in dress shoes, even little pumps! And doing facials for 10th birthday parties! I too grew up where I didn't think about that stuff until at least 13 or 14. I wore plaid dresses to school as a child. Not skimpy little sequinned minis!

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    1. I know what you're saying Sandra, I agree girls are just growing into teens way too fast and worse, they are trying to be sexy by age 6. It freaks me out.
      I want our girls to be clean, well groomed and confident with their own natural looks. I don't care if they add a little lipstick, a little eye makeup or whatever they want to wear in high school, but not that they NEED to do that to leave the house. Comfort in who we are...just like boys...that's my lesson.

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  5. Your beauty shines brightly, Jo!

    I think today's kids are bombarded with the most ridiculous messages, and not just from "the media," though that's what gets the most blame. Mothers (and dads, too, I suppose) doll up their daughters (and sons!) and talk far too much about their beauty--the outward kind. I do think it's important to tell our children that they're beautiful--far too many grown women struggle with disdain for their appearance--but those messages should be far less frequent than the ones admiring kids' strength, talents, intelligence, humor, and innate kindness. If we, as a society, spent as much time building our children's characters as we building their wardrobes, we'd live in a much kinder world.

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    1. Exactly, and who the heck decided girls have to be painted to be beautiful? Men don't. But women do. That is just crazy, isn't it?

      Thanks for sharing your views Beth, I know you have written on this before and we are on the same page...I'm just a little more of a natural girl than you and I am willing to totally walk around barefaced! *gasp* I often do.

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  6. I believe everyone has some kind of beauty whether it's inner or outer beauty, or even some skill or talent. Sometimes it obvious, and sometimes you have to get to know them. And sometimes, you really have to stretch the imagination to find it, haha!

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    1. I wish I could agree, but I think some people are ugly inside and out. Most people have something worth caring about, but ya know, there are some who just don't.

      It's always worth getting to know someone to see what gem they were given.

      It's kind of a game to 'find' it, sometimes! ♥

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  7. Older than you by 2 years, I really, REALLY don't dress to impress anyone and my make-up (what little I wore anyway) is long over. In the almost 4 years of my retirement, I might have put on make-up 3-4 times. My clothes are nothing but comfortable. I love the freedom that comes with old age.

    As for my inner self...I cannot judge. I hope I am a blessing and not a curse to people who I interact with daily, both real life and internet life. Even so, I'm sure I've rubbed a few the wrong way anyway. I would be pleased if people just remembered me for the love that I have for animals and the care that I give to the unwanted, unloved, thrown away animals. Lord knows they almost always find their way to my door....

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    1. I cannot speak for others, but in my life you are a positive and cheerfully bright spot! I am constantly amazed at how much we think alike on a ton of things. And the animal thing we totally share.

      The days of going for the sexy look are long over for this gal!

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  8. Have you ever met someone who you didn't think was pretty at first, but over time they grew to be incredibly gorgeous? That's the inner beauty. As far beauty being over at a certain age, I disagree. Betty White is still beautiful, and I think Sally Fields is prettier now than she ever was as a young flying nun.


    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. I know many people who's beauty escaped prior to knowing them. Now, I cannot imagine how that could have been.
      When I speak of my days of beauty being over, I am talking of the porcelain skin and slender hour glass shape etc...My own form of beauty now is not so obvious and I find it much more comfortable.
      Thanks for sharing Joyce. ♥

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  9. I think it is very hard for most people to see beyond a person's appearance especially when a person is young. When you grow older you understand more that it isn't really all about what you look like but who you are inside that really matters. Lovely post with so many true points. Well done my friend!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. I agree, Kathy, but I believe it is more about what we teach our young ones about beauty and how we instill in them the importance of being a good person and reaching out to others and always being a giver...that is when we realize that beauty is who you are not how you look.

      ♥ Not sure it's an age thing so much as a confidence thing. We need to instill confidence in each other every day!

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  10. I think this is a wonderful description of what we are to develope into as we age gracefully; concerned more about others inner being and feelings, than who they are or what they look like.... Not having to dress to please others but to be neat and clean and healthy on the inside and out. A vessel for the Holy Spirit to dwell in.

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    1. There is much about aging that isn't so wonderful, but understand what beauty is, most definitely is one of the best things. My life is so much happier with people of all types and my own confidence has nothing to do with the mirror, but rather with who I am. I kinda like this part of my life and am thinking it will only get better as I move along.
      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it, very much.

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  11. Ahh, this is nice! A lot of us who are "over-the-hill" need to hear these encouraging words sometimes, especially after a rough and tiring day that makes us FEEL old! Thanks for sharing this uplifting blog post!

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    1. I couldn't agree more! It's always good to know that being who you are is just fine. And we really are enough, just as we are.

      ♥ Thanks for stopping by.

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  12. Hi Jo,
    This is a beautiful reflection of the beauty inside you, and what you obviously see in others. I knew it when I came to the words " Are you sincere and do you engage people or just talk at them? Do you listen? Do you HEAR?" Because to me, it appears that you want to SEE inside people and not just on their surface, which is where light and beauty emerges from. Engagement and connection is all about our sincerity and listening skills, and hopefully lack of judgement of person.
    Though I love to look nice, put together and wear makeup etc, I am far more concerned with BEING than appearance if I had a choice. I want people to see who I am, not what I look like, but as you say, tragically the world is so hyper focused on this, it is crazy. The young girls are making themselves sick over it, and the bullies are causing suicides over it.
    I APPLAUD you for these sweet and simple observations.

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    1. Hi Laura and welcome to my little corner of the world of writing. I appreciate your words and your thoughts so very much.
      I find this subject eats at me so often as I watch my 9 grand daughters all worry and fret about their clothes or their this or their that and most are not even teenagers yet. *sigh*
      Like men have done for centuries, we need to become real and stop painting and dieting to oblivion and worrying day and night about how less than perfect we LOOK.
      What we leave behind when all the cards have been played has nothing to do with how physically beautiful we were or were not.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'll be around to visit you in the next few days or sooner.

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  13. I've never been much for makeup or dressing like a lady. That makes me even more invisible now that I'm in my mid-50s.
    But that doesn't necessarily make me said. Sometimes I think invisibility is a superpower. In fact, I wrote an essay called "Turning invisibility into stealth." It's subversive. :-)

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    1. I will check that out Donna. The invisible years are really not all that bad, are they? I agree and I don't find it alarming at all that people look past me.

      They hear me though. ;-)

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  14. Jo, I'm so glad to have met you. I love this post, and I completely agree and relate. So far, the last 5 years of me being Over 50 have been so good. Not so much necessarily due to outside events going on, but because I feel so comfortable with myself. I no longer care what others think so much. I now just want to be ME. Content with who I am, what I want, how I feel, what I think, etc. I've also had to learn to say NO more often, and now that is coming easier and easier. We just need to stay healthy so we can continue to live and love this great 2nd half of our lives.
    Look forward to "talking" with you more!
    Nina Knox
    http://over50andhappy.com

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    1. You got it! I think we have a lot in common and I love that you are happy with who you are. I like that about strong women.
      Thanks for coming by..

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  15. I loved what you had to say. I think society puts way too much emphasis on physical beauty which is why we have young children insecure about their looks and body weight. It's very sad. I like how you write...It's so real as if the reader is right there next to you. I can't wait to read more!

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    1. Thank you so much. I write like I talk. I try to write. My side of a conversation when doing this type of post. Or I tell my story as though I were telling a friend because that is what I'm doing.

      :-)

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