At this point in my life looking back doesn’t really make me smile a lot. I am so much more into looking at where I am and a little time spent looking ahead. This prompt by Elizabeth makes me think she is feeling melancholy this autumn. The past few posts have required one to either look back and reflect or explain why that isn’t going to happen. While I value my past for all it has brought to me, I am leaving it behind this week because with the autumnal bleakness I face every year, I am moving forward and relishing the warmth these days are still providing.
As I toss out my once blooming and prized potted flowers, cut down the drying and dying perennials, put away the no longer needed patio furniture, close the pool and basically get ready for the next season, I am also enjoying the sun and the relative warmth of September 2012. The sun has refused to hide most days, even if it is peaking in and out, those ‘outs’ make me happy. We haven’t actually put everything away yet. I have taken a few extra chairs and tables to the barn, but it still looks pretty summery, on the deck and poolside. The flowers are nearly all gone. Two pots are still trying to hang on, still blooming and looking pretty good, so they have been spared. The front pots are still there, though they should be gone. I still see some color, so I’m giving them another week or two. The day lilies are still blooming and the roses are beautiful. They remain.
The pool closing will probably be next week one day and that will prompt me to put the pool deck furniture away. The deck on the house will remain furnished until it’s too cold for coffee on the deck and then …well, it has to go.
The upcoming winter will be here and gone before we know it. I am saying this because in retrospect, I need to believe that. I will be able to smile, laugh and enjoy my life if I believe and remind myself often, it is only 5 months! Christmas falls in the midst of those 5 months, but that isn’t really as big a thrill as it used to be when everyone could be home for the day. Now we just run around and visit and then come home and collapse. No need for the holiday preps or the shopping for the dinner and snacks, no big baking days or other traditional holiday plans, just shop for the babies and deliver their stuff, watch them rip them open and share a meal with each family separately and head home. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t a family Christmas. And it exhausts Momma. So the relief I used to feel at getting to the holidays is gone.
In retrospect, I am a blessed and happy woman who is loved by many people and who loves them right back with all my heart. I get to do pretty much whatever I want to do most days and I do enjoy retirement a LOT. I married a guy who will eat just about anything I cook and usually tells me he liked it or loved it. I love cooking so that is also a blessing, no fussy eaters in this house. My hobbies and craft ideas and home improvement ideas keep my days busy and my mind working. My good health allows me to soak up all this glorious sunshine while it is available and walk around the yard and enjoy the flowers that are hanging on and the grass which is brilliantly green right now. Blessings all around and I am aware and I am ever so grateful for each of these and a million more things.
Sure, I could look back and write AGAIN about something that happened in my past that helped to create the somewhat skewed attitude I am carrying around with me now, but then I’d have to re-live it and honestly, with autumn looming, I cannot afford to risk my fairly stable mental health doing that today or anytime soon. I will instead enjoy this day, those blessings I have been given and I will smile. Wishing each of you (3 or 4) readers a most pleasant day and to all the lovers of this season, I say, it looks like a lovely one and football season is in full swing, so go and enjoy! I’ll be in here writing, reading, knitting or sleeping, making something out of nothing and trying NOT to look outside.