The Home Page

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

RESTROSPECTIVE



At this point in my life looking back doesn’t really make me smile a lot. I am so much more into looking at where I am and a little time spent looking ahead.  This prompt by Elizabeth makes me think she is feeling melancholy this autumn.  The past few posts have required one to either look back and reflect or explain why that isn’t going to happen.  While I value my past for all it has brought to me, I am leaving it behind this week because with the autumnal bleakness I face every year, I am moving forward and relishing the warmth these days are still providing.

As I toss out my once blooming and prized potted flowers, cut down the drying and dying perennials, put away the no longer needed patio furniture, close the pool and basically get ready for the next season, I am also enjoying the sun and the relative warmth of September 2012. The sun has refused to hide most days, even if it is peaking in and  out, those ‘outs’ make me happy.  We haven’t actually put everything away yet. I have taken a few extra chairs and tables to the barn, but it still looks pretty summery, on the deck and poolside. The flowers are nearly all gone. Two pots are still trying to hang on, still blooming and looking pretty good, so they have been spared. The front pots are still there, though they should be gone. I still see some color, so I’m giving them another week or two.  The day lilies are still blooming and the roses are beautiful. They remain.  

The pool closing will probably be next week one day and that will prompt me to put the pool deck furniture away. The deck on the house will remain furnished until it’s too cold for coffee on the deck and then …well, it has to go.

The upcoming winter will be here and gone before we know it. I am saying this because in retrospect, I need to believe that.  I will be able to smile, laugh and enjoy my life if I believe and remind myself often, it is only 5 months!  Christmas falls in the midst of those 5 months, but that isn’t really as big a thrill as it used to be when everyone could be home for the day. Now we just run around and visit and then come home and collapse. No need for the holiday preps or the shopping for the dinner and snacks, no big baking days or other traditional holiday plans, just shop for the babies and deliver their stuff, watch them rip them open and share a meal with each family separately and head home. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t a family Christmas. And it exhausts Momma. So the relief I used to feel at getting to the holidays is gone. 
 
In retrospect, I am a blessed and happy woman who is loved by many people and who loves them right back with all my heart. I get to do pretty much whatever I want to do most days and I do enjoy retirement a LOT. I married a guy who will eat just about anything I cook and usually tells me he liked it or loved it. I love cooking so that is also a blessing, no fussy eaters in this house. My hobbies and craft ideas and home improvement ideas keep my days busy and my mind working. My good health allows me to soak up all this glorious sunshine while it is available and walk around the yard and enjoy the flowers that are hanging on and the grass which is brilliantly green right now.  Blessings all around and I am aware and I am ever so grateful for each of these and a million more things.

Sure, I could look back and write AGAIN about something that happened in my past that helped to create the somewhat skewed attitude I am carrying around with me now, but then I’d have to re-live it and honestly, with autumn looming, I cannot afford to risk my fairly stable mental health doing that today or anytime soon. I will instead enjoy this day, those blessings I have been given and I will smile. Wishing each of you (3 or 4) readers a most pleasant day and to all the lovers of this season, I say, it looks like a lovely one and football season is in full swing, so go and enjoy!  I’ll be in here writing, reading, knitting or sleeping, making something out of nothing and trying NOT to look outside. 

Jo

37 comments:

  1. I'm with you, I don't dally in the past (unless I am writing a story of sorts) otherwise I stay rooted in the now. I can't regret or unwind the past because they made me, me. As a writer, I do like picking through the boxes of memories because there is always something to explore and write a story about. My thoughts anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoy that sometimes, too, but not in the fall.

      Delete
  2. Beautiful Jo, could feel the satisfaction with a tinge of melancholy. Perfect blend, like a yummy autumn stew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is the ONE thing about autumn that I don't really dislike, the stoups and soups. Thank you Sylvia

      Delete
  3. LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE PRETTY MUCH GOT PAST YOUR PAST IF YOU ARE ABLE TO (sorry didn't notice caps lock) live contentedly in the now, even if it is with a slight dread for the coming winter...only need to keep raking it up for a look when we are keeping spoiling now because we haven't healed it and the ramifications of that past are past affecting us physically in the now...or something like that...am using nebs mid making a slow cooker meal and preparing something ultra simple to go in the oven...I'm okay as long as I don't try doing too much...still in the process of healing the past that is encroaching on my now x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should be out of breath! That comment is one loooooooooong sentence! he he he

      Delete
  4. I'm inspired by your presence and your awareness of your blessings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lavender Luz...I have to maintain my sense of now and my sense of happiness comes from all the blessings in my life, so if I'm not gonna collapse into the doldrums of the season of death, I can't be looking back!

      Delete
  5. The older I get, the easier it is to live in the moment. I am grateful for this. :D Lovely post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome back Cherie! I couldn't agree more. Thank you, so much.

      Delete
  6. We Michiganders...many of us, just don't like it here ..DO we?

    Lots of good thoughts, and WAY too many reminders of all the stuff that needs to be done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would move tomorrow if Momma would go with us, but she won't.

      Thank you and I know it's a lot to do, but it does help to pass the day when you have a list of things that need to be done.

      Delete
  7. Jo, you are such a blessing to so many people. I am so sorry you have such a hard time with fall and winter. I am fine with fall but I hate winter. I do get the doldrums in January and February. Maybe we can encourage each other this year. Keep smiling that beautiful smile! :^) <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the sympathy Kat...Jan, Feb and Mar are all hard for me, but we sometimes get to run away for awhile during one of those months and that sometimes helps. I get the sun fix and heat that I am so desperate to have by then.

      We can try to pick each other up, but I don't have a very good history of being of much use from November until the end of March. Unless I get away!

      Delete
  8. Just lovely. Thanks for writing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Tim for reading this! ♥

      Delete
  9. I do so enjoy reading your writing. You bring such a smile to my face...I feel like a jack-o-lantern! Thank you for sharing. I agree about looking backward, it may instill a reason for why I am like I am...but, I'm still me, and reliving it isn't going to help anyone. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Leigh. Reliving some things at some times is nothing but destructive and can through me into a deep depression which is very hard to pull myself out of! Totally not worth it.

      Other times, reliving is healing, it's all about the timing.

      Thank you for saying I make you smile. I really love that.

      Delete
  10. As your fifth reader,(now you have more than 3 or 4, haha!) I think this is an extremely healthy attitude. What's done is done and if there ain't no fixing it, move on! Enjoy today because it will soon be the past too. Carps and de Ems!...or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YAY 5 readers! I'm getting more popular!

      As you know, today is all we really have. I love to look ahead and take steps to make it better, but looking back is not something I do regularly. When I do, it's either to assist someone else with a similar situation or to try to heal myself from something. Not a frequent visitor of the past.

      Delete
  11. OMG...I love you Jo. If I lived anywhere near you, my sunshining Fall hind end would be bugging your cranky self every living day. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be wonderful! I love you, right back. I am a little cranky today, again. Trying not to spread my "cheerlessness" too much, though.

      Delete
  12. Your love of summer, pools and all things warm is almost infectious enough to make me like it. I am definately a Fall fan, with crisp days and long winter evenings approaching. That being said, it's a real balance in our household as my husband is a much happier man in the longer sunny days of the year. Jan - March is his toughtest time as well. So we balance each other out, but I am always aware of how tough the winter months can be and I do love thoes early Spring days and crocuses that peek though March and April snowfalls. I'll hope for a light winter for you Jo with LOTS of sunshine peeking in the windows to you and your inside plants. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL...thank you for the good thoughts! I do not have indoor plants. I don't do well with captive plants at all. They have to be outside and free! lol

      I have really tried to find the beauty in fall, but it just eludes me. It is just all the dead and brown things that just upset my system. The bright colors of the trees are awesome for a few days and then they begin to fall and the bare and forlorn trees stand bare to the cold winter days. Makes me very sad and very internal. I am not very sociable in the late fall and winter. I don't want to be out and I don't really even want company. I just want to hibernate. I cook a lot. I knit a lot and I write a lot. I craft and read and just try to pass the time until it is Spring again.

      Delete
  13. Every time we chat or I read a post like this I realize why I truly love you so much. What a dear lady you are. It is always sad to say goodbye to summer. I was sad when my kids went back to school, but embraced it. It is a pity you can't have everyone home for Christmas and have to run here and there. Even though I sometimes scoff at being mothered, there is no one I would rather have mother me and be my friend than you. I am so glad fate brought us together. Not sure what I would do without you now. Now I am going to shut up because I am tearing right up. Love you Jo!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do so miss my family Christmas gatherings. I cannot even say how much I miss those days, but I am the only one who enjoyed them, so I have to let that go and move on. I am thinking of scheduling Christmas trips for Mike, Momma and I beginning next year. This might be our last at home on the road Christmas.

      I am also very glad we connected on FB and through this group,Kathy. I find you to be such a gift in my life and another woman with whom I identify so easily.
      We seem to be magnetically attracted. You add so much to my life with your giggling and with your giant ability to love.

      When you need a mom, I hope I am always here for you. I am pretty good at the mom thing and being scoffed has never stopped me from giving your motherly words or thoughts and always the motherly love. Always.

      Thank you for taking time to empty your heart here and know that you are so loved right back! ♥

      Delete
  14. I have to have my family Holidays and we always gather a week before to celebrate for a Stocking Stuffing Scavenger Hunt where everyone has a clue and a stocking and return with it full. I admire your way of thought and you are so right by saying that winter will soon will be over before you know it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't all get what we want. I have 2 kids out of state, can't come for Christmas. Two who all work full time jobs and the holidays are too busy for them. They each want to stay home with their children on Christmas. We are invited to each house. Not my choice.

      Delete
  15. Melancholy? I'm anything but melancholy these days. I've been riding the crest of all sorts of happy decisions and plan to keep going in this same direction for as long as possible. :O)

    I hadn't considered that the topic might be one that wouldn't work well for you (and some others) who find this time of the year hard. Remember, though, that in the GBE, all angles are possible (and encouraged!), so if there's a topic that you don't want to approach from a personal perspective, you can always go funny or poetic or post a small taste of fiction.

    I do love that no matter what, you always count your blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so sweet! There are few topics that would 'fit' me in the fall and not wanting to look back just allows me to look forward while remembering what makes my life worth living. It's all good.

      Thanks for the thought and the recommendation. ♥

      Blessings are what life is all about, but you know that. :-)

      Delete
  16. It seems like everyone has their own brand of baggage in the closet. I prefer to let it get dusty myself. I once started a novel about my miserable middle school life. Remembering it was too much of a downer, so I let that one drop.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally get that Joyce. I have a lot of things in my past that I don't want to write about or think about or even acknowledge.

      Delete
  17. WOW such WORK there is for you with the changing of the seasons!! :0) Here in florida..(never mind) LOL LOVE YOU JO...One of the most Authentic people i am honored to know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You made me smile! And that lack of winter prep in Florida is very appealing to this summer soul!

      Delete
  18. This makes me wish I lived somewhere with seasons. :/

    I'm glad you realized you weren't in the right place to go inward and into the past, recognizing when something might be bad for us is really helpful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny, it makes me wish I lived somewhere with one season! SUMMER!

      Thank you Elizabeth, I try very hard to stay ahead of the SAD. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose.

      Delete

I really want to know that YOU were here...please drop me a note or just say Hi ~ I do love a comment and it keeps me motivated!

You write and I will answer. Eventually. Show the love!