It's 3 days 'til Christmas 2012 and here I sit at my keyboard with a head full of so many things that have little, if anything, to do with holidays or celebrating. It is almost as if I am incapable this year of staying on point. Incapable of feeling Christmassy. Or even feeling much of anything beyond melancholy and sad. I have had moments of happy thoughts and moments of giggling with the kids on the phone or texting. I've had moments of remembering past Christmases while decorating, the tiny bit that I did. I even had a nice day of cookie baking and thinking of giving them to the kids when we see them. Moments of planning when and how to do each of the obligations I have and whatever I need to bring or do or where I have to be and when. All things I do each year, but usually with a smile. Just doing this year.
What is it about getting older and getting more sedentary and more habitual that has overcome me this year? I am aware of the aging thing. Aware that the older I get, the less running around I am willing to do. I am also aware that the older I get, the more running around seems to be necessary and very unwelcome. I am a home body. I do love to travel for fun and vacation, but not for short visits and not for dinners out and definitely not for holiday parties. Those are OFF my list forever. The short visits and the dinners out have gotten limited to family and dearest of friends and still, something I would prefer to host rather than attend.
It's official. I have become a wannabe hermit who loves company. I don't want to go out into the winter and I don't want to be alone, either. My Roomy isn't such a hermit. He will go anytime and do whatever because he is a total people pleaser. I am not so much. We have compromised our wishes and our desires to accommodate the kids wishes and desires. Okay, not compromised, given in. They all wish to stay home with their children on Christmas all day so we will be visiting each of them in the two days 24th and 25th and then heading to TN after for Christmas number 4 and 5. One with son and family. Two with sister and family. Four with son and family. Five with daughter and family and possibly six with son and family, if our timing works out. If not, their Christmas has been mailed. And I left out Christmas number three with Roomy and Momma. All of this is just too much for me and too much for Momma. She is dragged around with us and she is even more of a hermit than I. She doesn't go to Tennessee anymore. It is exhausting and has removed the merriment from our Christmas. We won't be doing this again after this year. We will be making a new plan.
The new plan will include ONE family Christmas before the holiday all together here and a possible vacation for Momma, Roomy and I over the actual holiday. Gone away, in the sun, somewhere for 4 or 5 days or maybe a week. Still in the planning stage, but a REAL probability.
I am hoping by changing OUR expectations we can reinstate the JOY of the holidays and actually look forward to them and not be sadly looking at the calender and the clock for two full days.
We do still have Christmas morning with Roomy, Momma and me and the dogs...to be honest, it's my favorite time. It's at home, it's no pressure, it's a nice leisurely breakfast and then the race is on! It would be way better to have the leisurely breakfast and then a leisurely day following to chill and make dinner, something I love doing. Now I do it after the visit to son and family on Christmas early afternoon or late morning. Too much for this old gal.
Wishing you all peace, joy and a ton of love and laughter as you go through your holiday season.
This gal will be putting on a happy face and loving the moments with her grand babies and her children and her mother and her husband. The moments will be cherished, once I get where I have to be to find them.