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Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Studio




The STUDIO


About one hundred feet behind the house sits a building. Unassuming in nature and not in the best of condition, it serves a purpose divinely. You see, as I love my home and even the gardens surrounding it, the water beyond the shed is where my muse lives. She is lovely; she softly sings as I tappity tap the keys and she never fails to bring ideas or words to spur me onward. She is my breath on paper. Without her voice, without her presence, I cannot write or edit or even think clearly. The ‘shack’ has become my beloved studio. Windows can be opened for fresh air and sunlight. Windows can be sealed shut to guard against dreary and dismal weather and inside the natural lights and the bright lemony walls with dark brown floors and flower paintings lining the wall all work together to bring spring to my heart throughout the most dreary of times. That sky you see surrounding my beloved studio is far, far from my heart as I sit and tap out my thoughts. The flowers are blooming and the sun is shining all over these walls hugging me as my muse sings off in the distance and my mind becomes liquid. Thoughts, ideas and warmth fill me and then spill from my fingertips into your head and your heart and we share. Writing is all about sharing for me. Emptying my head and sharing my heart.


As bleak and miserable as winter months are for me, I am reminded sitting in the ‘studio of perpetual spring’, that all I have around me is love. I cannot ignore the people who care about me and the warmth they exude in their words and deeds. I know that I have been blessed beyond measure with family and friends who would always be there for me, if a need arose. I know that God takes care of me daily and that nothing is impossible with Him in my life. I can see our comfortable, but humble home. I know there will be food to prepare for each meal and I know that we have enough money to live meager but nice days from now until the end, if the end comes soon.  I am keenly aware of all of this and yet…
My shoulders ache. My head has a dull and annoying pain which aspirin, Aleve nor Advil will relieve. I feel heavy. Not heavy as in overweight. Not heavy as in burdened with care. Heavy and sluggish and unconcerned about almost everything around me. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t really want to talk to people because I have nothing good to say. I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want, period. I am not angry. I am not sad. I am not sick. There is nothing wrong with me except that I have no motivation to participate in life right now. I am actually feeling nothing.  
Each day of these ‘periods’, I get up and have coffee.  I read my emails and check in on Facebook. I play a game or two with friends on my phone. I have another cup of coffee. I shower, make my bed and then sit my butt down to watch whatever is on TV.  In the afternoon I will do whatever housework must be done and nothing more. I will prepare dinner and it might be good or it might be a little something to eat. I will do these things because I don’t live alone. If I did, I would probably not be doing any of those things. I read, I knit and I watch TV. All are sedentary activities and do not stretch either a muscle or a brain cell. That is what I can handle most days from January until well into March.  If the sun shines for a couple of days, I will be energized and I will get things done. I will start a project or finish one which I have neglected because I lost motivation. I truly am solar powered and as long as the sun makes occasional appearances for multiple days, I will get through another Michigan winter.  I will laugh and I will communicate on the good days and I will always be counting the days til spring.  Always.
Forgive me, I will return and I sincerely hope some of you are still hanging around when I do.  The little studio and the lake are not part of my life right now, just a part of my imagination and on days like today, the thought of them and of course, my muse, make me feel just a bit more human.

Jo

34 comments:

  1. Nice shack..Don't forget, Arizona never closes

    Doil... Hey your blog is gaining a lot of followers

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    1. Doil...I love that you still read my stuff. I also love that Arizona doesn't close, but alas, not this year. I do think of our visit with you guys so often these days. It was such fun and you know I adore you and Sharon so much.

      I'm gaining followers? I never know how many I have, but I will say that my readers have fallen off drastically since the election! LOL Apparently, I offended many who have not returned to read nor comment. That makes me sad because offending was never my goal, just sharing my thoughts. That's life, I guess.

      Thanks for your loyalty...it really matters to me.

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  2. Like the idea of you using the shack as your studio, Jo!
    I'm a 'solar' person too, but here in England we get as many grey days in 'summer' as we do in winter!

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    1. Maybe that's why I don't live there? :-)

      Thanks Paula!

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  3. I love the idea of perpetual spring in your dream studio, and I really hope it becomes a reality for you one day soon. For me, well it would have to be an autumn studio, replete with insulating shelves of books, masses of cushions, window seats to look out on the misty mornings and a gently flickering log fire... *sigh* ...to sleep,perchance to dream *grin*

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    1. I love that we all have our own idea of the perfect space. Our muses live nearby in each case.

      Yours does sound lovely!

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  4. Jo, I do get some of the gloomies in the winter, but not near to the extent that you do. I feel so bad for you and wish there was something I could do. I wish you really had a studio where it was constantly spring. Maybe you need to paint an office or spare room with bright colors and sunshine! Just know I love you and I'm here if there is anything I can do from long distance. <3

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    1. I do know you are there and I am so glad of that. My office is a calm mauve color, which I do like, but it is not springy at all. I might do the sunshine yellow with flowers next time.

      I love you, too and as I said above, knowing that keeps me hanging on and moving ever closer to the break out of sun filled spring and summer days.

      Thank you for all you are in my life.

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  5. My husband experiences this, too, and I've thought of buying those lightbulbs that are supposed to simulate the sun. Spring WILL come, Jo. Wishing you lots of sunshine.

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    1. Thank you, Lois. The lights are a very temporary fix, but some people do very well with them. For me, it's about a 15 minute treatment and a 30 minute relief. It will pass when the sun returns. 46 days til spring!

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  6. Aw Jo.. I for one will never leave you and I'm so sorry you experience this.. Isn't it strange? This is the time I feel most alive! I think everything about the winter is magic. It brings Christmas n' Frosty, rosy cheeked little ones, roaring fires, hot cocoa, sledding, romping, playing, walking in a winter wonderland, Jack Frost nipping at our nose.. The air is crisp and the snow sparkles.. I find it all so invigorating! But.. I understand this time of year is not for everyone. For you, I wish I could hurry spring along and bring lots of sunshine your way, even if it means my beloved snow melts.. I'd much rather you feel better again.. Hugs to warm you.. :)

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    1. Everyone should have the friends I have! You go right ahead and love every minute of your Michigan winter wonderland. I'm always glad to hear there are people who relish this weather.

      As Michiganders often say, whatever weather is your favorite, we have it!

      Hugs back.

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  7. I also am solar-powered. In fact, some people even use that for my nickname! Rainy days and winter both affect my normally "perky" self in very negative ways. It seems to get worse each year. Right now, I'm praying for an early (and sunny!) spring...

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    1. I believe it does get worse with age. I clearly remember not liking winter and waiting for spring. Now at 63, it's more life changing than ever. I am a very happy person by nature and by choice. When this strikes, it's not about choosing, it's about physically surviving and finding a way to thrive. I'm so thankful it only lasts a short time Come on sun!

      Thanks for stopping and commenting.

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  8. Wow, what a beautifully descriptive piece. You describe your situation beautifully. I expecially like how you describe the feeling of nothingness, almost like it's the ultimate rest for a body always in motion. Sometimes I will wonder what it would be like just to do that. Firstclasswoman.com

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    1. Thank you for your kind and beautiful thoughts. It is NOT a good place to hang out, but it's here and I'll get passed it as I have for many years.

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  9. Here's wishing you a brighter tomorrow. Must also mention your beautiful work space...the hour is late here. My words to you aren't coming as easily as I'd like. Still, I send warmth and kind thought through cyberspace to you.

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    1. Thank you so much. Today began with a couple of hours of bright beautiful sunshine and for me it's a promise of things to come.

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  10. Ok thats it..sell the house and move to SUNNY FLORIDA!!!!!! We have the "shack" here too...lol its IN YOU..precious you! I adore you!

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    1. One day, Brenda! I will follow the sun!

      Thank you for your friendship and love.

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  11. I love your "shack". Just the isolation delights me first, then the yellow walls. In my world, yellow is such a happy color!

    Possibly I am in the doldrums too. I don't know. What I do know is that I would rather read my kindle these days than write anything. It is so easy to get lost in a book and tune the rest of the world out. Perhaps I will return to blogging & reading blogs regularly again, but for now, I think I am where I need to be. But, when I log on my computer, the first thing that comes up is my Google page with my reader. I scan quickly for my friends - read a few - comment little... Mainly lurk... But, I don't want you to think I have abandoned you. I've just been quiet... (((BIG HUGS))) I hope spring comes early for you. Me? As always, I dread the return of summer because I hate the heat. That is when I hole up in my air conditioned world. Right now, the weather is so beautiful that it calls me outside often. I wish it was like this year round. Well...I've seen you through a couple of winters now - maybe 3 - I feel bad for your SAD, so I hope you get an early spring.

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  12. Darlene, I have missed seeing and hearing from you! I never felt abandoned though because I always know where you are and I know if I call you'll be there. That matters.
    I know this is your favorite time of year and it may one day become mine when I live where the sun lives! I do look forward to that.
    Thank you for dropping in and leaving your loving message. <3

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  13. The weather can surely drain you! I can totally appreciate why you would use the shack as a studio! Indeed, it makes a fitting muse!

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    1. It would...if it existed! Thanks for dropping by and understanding the craziness that is me! I always hoped I'd outgrow this stuff!

      Apparently moving to the sun is my future and I'm on board!

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  14. I almost wrote about this house as my studio but couldn't get it going. Now that I read yours, I'm glad I didn't - this was fantastically descriptive. A beautiful piece of writing, my friend.

    I have a friend who suffers from extreme seasonal affective disorder. It's like he's two different people. He has a light box that seems to help, maybe you've tried that? Anyway, I love ya, sister-girl, and I'm not going anywhere!

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  15. What a lovely comment. Thank you. I have indeed done the light therapy thing. Short term lift for me. It works for some and others not a lot of reprieve.

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  16. Your studio sounds like a happy place. I hope spring comes soon for your sake. It sounds like you are depressed...they have pills for that and they do tend to work. Take heart...in a couple months it will be spring.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. It will be spring soon and now that January is gone, hope springs eternal! I'm ready. The pill thing is beyond a last resort for me. I dislike any kind of medication and unless all else fails to keep me semi functional, I'm staying med free.

      I do this every year, but honestly, this year is particularly difficult. It'll pass, as do all things. The only thing permanent in life is change.

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  17. Great job of taking a simple photo and breathing life into it.


    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. How nice of you, Joyce. Thank you.

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  18. I can definitely identify with this, although I do like very small doses of snow. You really need to get a place in the south for the winters.

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    1. You are so absolutely correct! One day.

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    1. I seriously have no idea what that means. Care to elaborate?

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