I, nor she, had any idea.
For two years I've wondered how do I do this? Who am I now? It's all about me.
It used to be all about her.
My life changed beyond my wildest imagination since that night. We've lost our teen-aged furbabies. Sadie at 13 passed three months after Momma. Jake at 15 passed 8 months later.
We moved from Michigan to Florida and then moved again 11 months later.
We adopted an adorable little guy from the Humane Society, Miggy a few days after Jake died.
Miggy & Me
So many changes and so much adjustment. Roomy and I are strong. We are happily settled now and this retirement community is our home. Likely, our last home. The friends we have here are snowbirds, for the most part, but we have one friend from the sub and a couple from our street that stay year round with us. Good friends are a treasure.
Going to bed tonight will be sad. No question. I will stay up past 2, which is when she passed in my arms and next to my heart. I seldom go to bed before 1:30, which is when I retired that night, but not tonight and not very often since.
One thing I now know to be true. All the firsts of the first year of grief are unbelievably difficult. The second year those days are even more difficult because life did go on without her. Life changed and the good days outnumbered the weeping days, but "those" days are reminders of the finality of it all. Realism sets in. It really is like this now. It will always be like this now. She lives in my heart now. She lives in the choices I make. The life I choose. The love I share. She lives in all those things, all those things she taught me or showed me. I am my mother's daughter is so many ways.
Momma & I
As long as I am walking this earth, I will miss her every day. I hope soon to miss her with more giggles and fewer tears.
The greatest of love breeds the greatest of grief.