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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Love Letter

Dear Life,

Time has been kind to me in many ways. I have had great friends to share my good and not so good times. I have seldom felt alone. I have lost great loves and felt the heartbreak of never having them in my life again. I have given birth. Twice. I have fallen in love with a man I hoped to have sharing my forever with me. Three times. Maybe four.

I was given an older sister and an older brother to pave the way for me in so many ways. I learned a lot from each of them. I have not always appreciated what they brought to my life, but I have always had it, nonetheless. In more recent years I have come to know that having them has always been one of my big blessings. They have known me every day of my life and they have loved me that long. (Except maybe a few years in the middle.   :)   Maybe not so much.) Their children are additional blessings to me. Like the other kids I didn't have, but got to love just the same. Their girls are so special to me. It's like the gifts beyond your own making.  I made my kids. (And I did a great job!) I didn't make my nieces, I just got to have them. If you're really lucky, you get that bonus and THEN those girls have babies and just like your grandchildren, they are born loving you!  It's such a good thing. Siblings are very good at adding 'already love you' people to your life. Oddly, you already love them before birth, as well.

The man I share my life with now is not my first love, he is my last. I don't imagine I would ever have another love in this life even if I out last him. It wouldn't be because I think it would be unfair or because I think it would be disloyal, it would be because I don't think I could do better nor could I settle for less. I think I would live alone with my family and friends nearby and my memories alive and well. It's not possible to predict the future, but today I believe this would be the case.

Divorce was painful. My children's father was a very good man. A good husband and a good father. He loved us and we loved him. Our family was happy for a few years. Then things changed and things fell apart. I was the daughter of an alcoholic who finally quit drinking and spent the last years of  his life making up for the pain he had caused his family. He more than made up for anything he had done by loving his wife and children and grandchildren with everything he had. I was not able to imagine living the years my mother had lived to get to that point of happiness. I got a divorce. Even now, some 35 years later, I wonder if I walked out too soon. I don't regret that I did, I regret that I felt I had no choice. My children lost their father ultimately because of that choice. I regret that, also. I didn't make it happen, tried hard to keep it from happening, but I will always wonder if I could have done more. I now appreciate the love and marriage I am part of because I know it isn't always this way. Without the experience of my first marriage and the dissolution of the same, I would have no idea how wonderful this life I am living really is.
 
 All in all I think my life has been a good mix of heartache, happiness and of good, bad times. I've had a good ride, so far. Though I lost my dad at an early age, he was 56 when he passed on, I still have my mom. I had my grandparents until well into my adulthood.  I had only 8 cousins growing up and I believe 7 of them are still with us. They all live in other states and I only have contact with one of them. (Thanks FB) So I am only guessing the others are still well.  It would be a good thing to know. One of my dad's sisters is still alive and my mom's only sister is also.  It's really quite a blessing when you think about it all. 


I'm not ready to give it up yet, but I did want to take a moment to tell you how much I have loved living this life. How much I have learned and shared. How often I wonder why God has given me so much and what else can I do in His service. I am sure there are areas I need to work on to be a better person. I am sure I am not doing all I can or should. I am so grateful for every piece of love that I am holding right this minute on this Valentine's evening, that I literally can get overwhelmed if I dwell on that long. 


So Life, my life, let's just keep this streak up, shall we? Let's live and learn and get better every day; it's the least we can do.


I will always love you.


To Whitney...♥ Your music has touched my life in so many ways and so many times. Your voice was magical and transformed any song into a true work of art. You shared your God given talent with all of us for so many years and now we accept that gift for the rest of our lives.

May you find peace and may your new wings fit perfectly because God will always love you, too.


Jo













 

29 comments:

  1. Jo, all of the wonderful things you have with your "roomy" are obviously earned, cherished, and deserved by both of you. Your gratitude shines, and the sharing you do of your heart on these pages is always enough. I'm glad you have enjoyed your life thus far, and that you will be sticking around for some more ... moments tied together with heartstrings and smiles. I'm glad I met you!

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    1. That was so sweet of you k~ I am always thinking that I write the same thing in different ways over and over and this time, I didn't mean to, yet I end up with the same theme again! Love and how it makes my life. Blessings and how grateful I am. *sigh*
      I'm going in a totally different direction next time!
      (I tell myself that every week!)
      I'm very glad we met also. ♥

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    1. Thanks Babe. I love your heart and your mind. ♥
      Maybe we could start one of those mutual admiration pokey societies?

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  3. What a beautiful letter from such a beautiful person. Our past is what brings us to today, good or bad. You are blessed and have much to be thankful for. We are blessed to be part of your life. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. That is so nice! Thanks Kat. I mean seriously, the blessings just keep coming! You rock.

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  4. very nice, jo. a letter to your life.
    i am glad life has given you such great things.. you deserve happiness, and wellness.... with your great attitude, i am sure there is so much more to come....

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    1. Thank you so much and I hope you are absolutely correct! I'm not nearly ready to check out.

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  5. I kept starting 2 or 3 different thoughts, and just couldn't quite explain it but thank you for this post!

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    1. Sometimes you just have to walk away and start later. It'll come to you or maybe this one won't! No matter, the next might be just your ticket.
      Thank you for reading and commenting, that makes me so happy!

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  6. This is such a beautiful letter of love--you do have a lot of love in your hear--and you share it freely--just one of the many things I love about you ♥ Jenn

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  7. *heart

    (I left off the 't' above) oops ;D

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    1. Thank you Jenn. I really do feel like life is all about love. Giving it allows you to receive it. It's a fairly simple formula.
      ♥ u 2

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  8. Jo, what a lovely letter! It sounds like you have had a good run of it and a wonderful life. Don't plan on checking out anytime soon though, because I just found you...and I love you too my dear friend. :D I am so glad our life paths crossed. My life is all the better for having known you and read your words. You rock!

    Kathy
    http://www.gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. Me, too Kathy. I feel as if we would be great neighbors, given the chance. lol We share values and ideals and a lot more.
      Thank you for always having a kind word and love to spare!

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  9. Absolutely. Write the love letters while you're here. I've told Mom, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I've had a great time. Glad you found your happiness.

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    1. I couldn't agree more. I have written many a love letter to my kids and their spouses and of course, my mom. I am currently working on love letters to my sister and brother and their spouses. I don't really know why I have never done those, but they are in the works. ♥

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  10. Jo, this was so touching to read! Thank you for sharing. Life is a funny thing and tends to have a mind of its own! So glad that you found true happiness and love with gratitude. :)

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    1. Thanks very much Linda. I am pretty darned contented with things these days and I do love my life. Makes me think all the time that I should be giving so much more than I am and yet, I don't. There are many things I should be doing that I'm not; no idea why the motivation for those things just doesn't exist.
      :) ♥

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  11. A very heart-warming post. I love the way you embrace every aspect of your life. Thanks for sharing. <3

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    1. Thanks you Suzy, I am in a good place in my life right now and just loving everything while I can.
      Things can change in a heartbeat and honestly, I don't even think about how or when it could change, I just live now and embrace the blessings.
      So glad you enjoyed it. ♥

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  12. That was a lovely, touching and different take on the prompt, Jo *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Gill. It was kinda fun to say, "Thanks life, I'm lovin' where you're takin' me!"

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  13. You have certainly been blessed. I have agonized over my first husband as well and how it affected my stepdaughters. I try not to go there in my mind. I know you understand... Even so, I have also been blessed more than I deserve. Great blog, Jo.

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    1. You were sent to my spam folder! Good gravy! Glad you showed up and thank you so much for being such a good support and cheerleader. ♥

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    2. I'm surprised. The spam controls on blogger are so good that I have never had a real comment go to spam, nor vice versa.

      Well....Glad that mystery has been solved. LOL

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  14. WOW! You are right... Blogger did eat my comment. Well, I'll never be able to remember what I wrote, but it was something like "you're blessed and I'm blessed and ain't life grand"...LOL Hopefully you got the real message in your email.

    Naughty, naughty cyberspace gremlins!!!

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    1. I did get it in my email and it finally showed up in my spam folder. So it's all good now! Gremlins, I tell you. LOL

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    2. Looky there... It popped up AFTER I placed this comment. Strange happenings on the interwebz tonight....

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