It would seem that you can look someone in the eye and know with whom you are conversing. Ah, but that just isn’t true. Behind the façade many people show to the world is a broken or wounded human. One filled with such pain as to be unbearable and possibly irreparable. You won’t know that though; not unless they choose, at some point to stop laughing and making you laugh, long enough to allow you inside. Inside to the heart that hasn’t healed. Many people refer to these folks as the clown hiding the tears. Laughing on the outside while crying on the inside.
What would make someone, anyone, want to bottle up their pain and show the world only the happy and carefree face of a clown? Love. Wanting love, wanting to be able to give love and needing not to be the sad one, the broken one, the one who never got over the loss. There are losses one cannot get over. There are heartbreaks that last a lifetime and there are things one can never, ever forget or release. What one can do, however, is hide it and move on. Hide it from friends and sometimes even family and just smile. Look for the sunny side of everything and keep the darkness for alone time. Keep the sadness for the nights and the tears for the pillow. Pray daily for strength to really accept and move on while pretending to do that. Pretending so hard that everyone believes it has happened, if you are the clown. And if you are the one who always brings the sunshine into every room you enter. You always have a smile and you always have a deep, from the toes laugh to share with everyone you meet. No one walks away from you without feeling just a little better than when they walked in. That’s how it’s done. Oscar worthy acting.
Behind the antics of most clowns, I believe, lies the heart of a tender and easily crushed soul. I find the life of the party people are the most easily hurt and those hurts are often much deeper than an onlooker would imagine. The clown will not let you see that. The smile will hide from you any pain you may have caused. Be wary of the clowns in your life and treat them with care. They are truly fragile and needy.
The tears are never far beneath the surface, waiting for the night.
Jo
WOW. I am that clown.
ReplyDeleteChele
Yes, you are. I love you, exactly as you are. ♥
DeleteSome people are all about faking it until they make it...it's not entirely a bad thing. I think in some ways, putting smiles on people's faces turns the night-light on inside of themselves. It gives them a little spark of hope and makes them feel worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteI agree that most of those types are the ones who usually carry some heavy pain.
I feel a great poem from this one, by the great one.
DeleteThanks and I know some of these, don't you?
As I was commenting, my mind started going in poetry mode. But I am not the great one! HAHA
DeleteYes, I definitely know some of those, I've tried it myself even but I am more the bottle it up and deal with it alone type...or I used to be until I met some amazing people that refused to let me do that. They broke darn near every bottle and poured me some fun-filled ones.
That's wonderful. And you are the great one. ♥
DeleteI know this kind of person, but have never understood the need to pretend. I'm genuinely pretty upbeat most of the time, but when I hurt, I show it. I cry, I reach out, I talk about it.
ReplyDeleteI suppose we all have some wounds that are less than fully healed and really, if whatever caused the pain can't be changed, there's not much use dwelling on it. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and doesn't need tending once in a while, though, and it definitely doesn't mean that we should feel uncomfortable about expressing anything except our sunniest sides. We humans feel all sorts of things, every one of them valid.
Nice post, Jo, as always.
I think you are one of the most well rounded people I know. I love that about you and I love that what I see is what I get.
DeleteI am not real good at sharing the pain, but I must deal with it. I can't walk around with it eating me up. I think I tend to deal with my hurts more privately and introspectively, but they must be dealt with for certain.
Thank you. ♥
Very insightful and from experience, my own and some people I know, also very true. Thank you so much for writing this. You hit the nail right on the head.
ReplyDeleteThank you Trac...I enjoyed writing it and I do know how this works. I know several people who fit this post to a tee. Pretending sometimes makes it work. Sometimes, not.
DeletePeople react differently to pain, emotional or physical. Some are clowns who hide their tears and some are just clowns who really never get it even when it causes them pain. Some tell everyone who will listen, and even those who won't. My response is usually silence. I have to get it all straight in my own head before I can talk to others about it. Sometimes I get it fairly straight, but decide not to talk about it anyway. I've always found it easier to write than to talk, also, so sometimes those things find their ways into blogs or poetry or fiction. Good piece, Jo. Made me think.
ReplyDeleteThank you Angela. I agree that often we write fiction from our inner selves and if writing about pain in any form makes it manageable, then so much the better. I often do this, as well.
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ah, that's sad. i have always thought clowns were happy souls, sharing with the world their happiness. sad to think they are grieving inside while making others laugh. my heart has sunk.
ReplyDeletegood write, jo.
I'm sorry I made you sad. It's not true of all happy people or of all clowns, just some. Since we don't know what's going on inside, we just need to be tender and caring, always. Can't go wrong doing that.
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I don't easily hide the hurt or the pain--I'm one of those gals that wears her heart out on her sleeve, exposed for all to witness and see. For me, it keeps me in check--keeps things real and yes, I've been deeply hurt more than once. Some hurts feel like they will never heal--but my hearts out there to remind me that I can't hide--I must face it--deal with it and learn to accept, even that which I do not want to accept at times. I loved your take on tears of a clown! Wonderful write :) Jenn
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenn. I'm glad you enjoyed it. ♥
DeleteWow! I loved this and somehow I felt you pointed at me - sometimes. Most of the time I let it out, but mostly in the privacy of my home, OR in one of my articles. Writing is my best source of 'Letting it all Hang Out'..
ReplyDeletebut then, not sure if the right person even reads what I write..;)
Great work on this one, as usual so am not really surprised.
Not pointing at you on purpose, but if you see yourself, maybe you could just open up a bit. Sharing your loneliness and hurt with your daughter would be a good start.
Delete:)
Sometimes people feel that they will be more accepted if they present a happy front. Sometimes they don't want the world to know how unhappy they truly are, preferring to muddle along on their own. This was a very poignant post. It really hit the nail on the head and makes me really think. Wonderful job on the topic Jo!!
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/
I hope it helps people to understand that what you see isn't always what is real, which means a kind word and a warm smile is always welcome.
DeleteThank you Kathy. ♥
There is a wonderful song by Billy Joel, Strangers or Face of a Stranger. It's about the faces we where depending how we feel or who we are with.. I do believe we all do this. While I don't walk around with a smile on my face all the time, I do shoulder my inside thoughts, hurts, and whatever within. It's the way I am wired. Wonderful job, Jo. And thanks as always for coming by and sharing your thoughts with me. Much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI believe a lot of people are wired to internalize their pain and doubts and disappointments. I always hope that people will just remember that not all 'clowns' are really that happy.
Delete:)
I strongly suspect this is coming from personal experience, so from one clown to another let me say, well done. Sometimes it is just easier to wear that facade than it is to try to explain to anyone else just how we feel or what we are dealing with. Sometimes I think I've gotten way too good at it. Great post.
ReplyDeleteThere are some things that are just too personal to share and some things that are just painful to discuss. I don't see anything wrong with living that way, I just hope others will remember to reach out and love the clowns for more than the laughter. ♥
DeleteI made it back Jo. Thank you for linking up with Monday Marketing. I tweeted your page. Have a good evening!
ReplyDeleteI told you that you did NOT have to come back here. The sad clown upset you and I didn't want that! So a special huge and gigantic thank you for tweeting and for stopping by AGAIN. I won't show any more clowns.
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I'm the happy clown. No sadness being hid behind a clown face here. Of course, I've had my heart broken a few times in my life, but I'm not one to hang onto hurt. I let it go like a balloon on a windy day... I am sad for people who cannot turn loose of their hurt. I always say that everybody has a decision to make every morning. They can choose to be happy or they can choose to be miserable. I always choose happy...
ReplyDeleteIt is a choice each day for some to act happy or give in to the sadness. Clowns choose HAPPY! Thanks Darlene. And keep smiling sweetly!
DeleteThis is not always the truth. My husband played a Clown. He dressed up as one, and at the theater he managed he wore it at a variety of holidays. He wore it only to make the children laugh. He wore it to make the sick kids who attended feel better about themselves. He wore it for Christmas and collected donations from his patrons for gifts for the poor who had no money to buy christmas presents. He started our Toys for Tots at the Movie theater.
ReplyDeleteMy husband dressed up as a clown just to make others feel happy and for no other reason and I miss him dearly.
Yes I agree a real dressed up clown often does so just for the cheer he/she could spread. I was speaking more of the everyday kind of clown, one who just jokes and laughs and really isn't happy inside at all.
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