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Saturday, December 22, 2012


It's 3 days 'til Christmas 2012 and here I sit at my keyboard with a head full of so many things that have little, if anything, to do with holidays or celebrating. It is almost as if I am incapable this year of staying on point. Incapable of feeling Christmassy. Or even feeling much of anything beyond melancholy and sad. I have had moments of happy thoughts and moments of giggling with the kids on the phone or texting. I've had moments of remembering past Christmases while decorating, the tiny bit that I did. I even had a nice day of cookie baking and thinking of giving them to the kids when we see them. Moments of planning when and how to do each of the obligations I have and whatever I need to bring or do or where I have to be and when. All things I do each year, but usually with a smile. Just doing this year.

What is it about getting older and getting more sedentary and more habitual that has overcome me this year? I am aware of the aging thing. Aware that the older I get, the less running around I am willing to do. I am also aware that the older I get, the more running around seems to be necessary and very unwelcome. I am a home body. I do love to travel for fun and vacation, but not for short visits and not for dinners out and definitely not for holiday parties. Those are OFF my list forever. The short visits and the dinners out have gotten limited to family and dearest of friends and still, something I would prefer to host rather than attend.

It's official. I have become a wannabe hermit who loves company. I don't want to go out into the winter and I don't want to be alone, either. My Roomy isn't such a hermit. He will go anytime and do whatever because he is a total people pleaser. I am not so much. We have compromised our wishes and our desires to accommodate the kids wishes and desires. Okay, not compromised, given in. They all wish to stay home with their children on Christmas all day so we will be visiting each of them in the two days 24th and 25th and then heading to TN after for Christmas number 4 and 5. One with son and family. Two with sister and family. Four with son and family. Five with daughter and family and possibly six with son and family, if our timing works out. If not, their Christmas has been mailed. And I left out Christmas number three with Roomy and Momma.  All of this is just too much for me and too much for Momma. She is dragged around with us and she is even more of a hermit than I. She doesn't go to Tennessee anymore.  It is exhausting and has removed the merriment from our Christmas. We won't be doing this again after this year. We will be making a new plan.

The new plan will include ONE family Christmas before the holiday all together here and a possible vacation for Momma, Roomy and I over the actual holiday. Gone away, in the sun, somewhere for 4 or 5 days or maybe a week. Still in the planning stage, but a REAL probability.

I am hoping by changing OUR expectations we can reinstate the JOY of the holidays and actually look forward to them and not be sadly looking at the calender and the clock for two full days.

We do still have Christmas morning with Roomy, Momma and me and the be honest, it's my favorite time.  It's at home, it's no pressure, it's a nice leisurely breakfast and then the race is on!  It would be way better to have the leisurely breakfast and then a leisurely day following to chill and make dinner, something I love doing. Now I do it after the visit to son and family on Christmas early afternoon or late morning. Too much for this old gal.

Wishing you all peace, joy and a ton of love and laughter as you go through your holiday season.

This gal will be putting on a happy face and loving the moments with her grand babies and her children and her mother and her husband. The moments will be cherished, once I get where I have to be to find them.


Wednesday, December 19, 2012


 This is a blog hop and this week the host is Out with the Old in with the New and if you click here, you can read her blog on What are your dreams or plans for 2013,

Do you look ahead this time of year and make resolutions or do you make plans or goals? I don’t like resolutions because I will break them. Will power is not by strongest trait. Instead I go for the goals.

I make a list of any projects I want to tackle during each new year. It could be a list of little things or maybe one or two big ones. Whatever I think I’ll be able to budget and finish in the coming 12 months goes on the list. Some years everything from the list gets done and other years some items get moved to the next year. Either way is fine with me because I prefer to have a list longer than would be easily accomplished. I like the challenge.

So for 2013 I am looking at the following:
(this list is still subject to editing, it’s early yet)

1)      Ceiling in basement

2)      Closet in downstairs bedroom

3)      Bathroom downstairs

4)      Paint Living Room

There may be more or maybe not all of those will get done, but for today, that’s the list.

I also hope 2013 brings health and enough wealth to my family to continue to live relatively easily in such an uncertain economy. I hope the grand kids all continue to do well and continue to develop into awesomely amazing people just like their parents and grandparents!  I hope for more love and hugs than I know what to do with!

Happy 2013 list making to all of you!


Tuesday, December 18, 2012


The killing of twenty 5 and 6 year olds and 7 adults and a killer suicide makes one think about things one might not enjoy thinking about.

Is it the automatic weapons? Is it all guns? Is it mental illness? Is it a deranged and untreated or mistreated individual? Is it poor parenting?

As parents, don't we all wonder if that last one is relevant Did the killer's parents unknowingly  raise him to believe killing would get him something he craved and couldn't get? Did he need help with mental issues which went unmet? Did his mother live in denial before her beloved son shot her in the face?

And why babies?

I don't know. I know the sadness filling me is hard to describe. I didn't know anyone connected to this massacre. I do know many children and love more than a handful. I am a mother, grandmother, aunt and friend to a bunch of children and many of them go to schools of some sort. I need to believe they are safe there. I need to, but I don't. I live in small town USA, much like Newtown, CT, I imagine. It was safe here, too. It used to be. It isn't now.

We, Americans, have to change something now. We can't feel this pain or sadness for a couple of weeks and then go back to how we were last week. We have done this so many times and this must be the end. What do we change? Where do we begin? What can I do?

First, I believe I can make a difference. I am a woman with a voice and an opinion. I don't have to win this one. I don't have to be right. I just have to be heard because once I am heard, there is more of a chance someone else will chime in and then another and a dialogue will ensue. There is a possibility that by speaking out and throwing something out into the universe someone might actually find a way to change us. Change how we deal with each other.

I've said a lot this past week-end about guns and God. I have allowed my mind to spit out whatever was angering it or upsetting it and most of what I've said, I do believe, but I know that the US will not go back to where we were 20 years ago. We will not allow God back into our schools because now that we have removed Him, too many people will fight and scream that He has no place there; that parents must be the God teachers. I understand this, it's hard to take away something non-believers won. Like it or not, this country used to have God in all aspects of life and our Presidents still often speak of God's blessings and our Congress begins with a prayer each session and there is the "In God We Trust" on our money and "One Nation Under God" in our Pledge of Allegiance. God Bless America is sung at all baseball games. He was accepted as part of our heritage, but not shoved on people who worship another God, or none at all. Whoever your Divinity is, that is your God. If you don't have one, then why is it so offensive when I speak of mine? I am not offended when you speak of not having one. I am not offended when you respectfully decline from partaking in any prayer offered at a gathering. Why are you offended when I respectfully pray? I don't get it. I'm not asking for anything we haven't always had in this country, I'm just wishing we hadn't given in to the vocal minority, the 20% of Americans who don't want any mention of God in any public building nor any public gathering and certainly not in their schools. They worry about the effect on their vulnerable children. I worry about that, too.

I worry about all the violence our children are seeing and participating in to the exclusion of all other possible activities.

I worry that they are not receiving the adult supervision while playing video games of murder and mayhem and bombings and blood and gore. I worry that they are not getting the adult input to impress upon them that these are make-believe, but real guns and bombs are deadly and the victims don't come back tomorrow to die again. I worry that without an adult who is grounded in reality to teach the difference to a child whose mind might not be formed yet or isn't exactly right, there will become a fascination with death and no consequences. You boot up the next day and everyone comes back to be blown up again. If the child with a bit of anything that isn't mainstream plays nothing but these games, how do they learn the reality of guns and bombs and death. The consequence in video games is that you win when all others die.

Why do parents buy these games? Could there be a better choice? Could you possibly monitor your child's computer time so that even the online versions could not be played? Yes, you could, but do you?

They buy them because the kids want them. They buy them because they like playing them, too. They believe they are just having fun with their kids.

They are not JUST having fun with their kids. They are creating a way of thinking inside their child that may never cause a problem or it may cause a fascination no one saw coming. A break with reality that no one ever thought this child was capable of. It could create a strong, well backed by experience, way to get even with someone or a lot of someones that caused him pain which he never got over. Most likely, statistically him; testosterone seems to be part of this.

Why would any parent want to expose their child to that possibility?

Is it guns? I don't believe it is. It's guns in the wrong hands. I subscribe to the saying that if guns were illegal only criminals would have them.

Is it mental Illness? It could certainly be a factor, but not every person with a mental illness is violent and homicidal.

Is it video game? A lot of kids play them with no problem, or so we think.

What can we remove from this list?

We are a gun strong country. We have no need for automatic weapons in the hands of the citizenry, but they are already out there. So what we can do is stop selling the ammunition for them. Sell only to the military and the police. That would be doable and a large fine associated with mandatory jail time would keep suppliers from selling much.

We can provide better mental health options from early age to death. We can build better facilities where treatment is not extravagantly expensive and where help is there for the asking and trained people can and will work with families to find solutions. We need to do this now. Not in 5 years. It needs to happen now.

Violent video games and violent movies could be banned. They could be removed from our purchasing venues and the internet just by placing a giant price tag on them which would make them unattainable for the average kid's parents. We could make them illegal. We could just stop supporting the makers of them and they would soon disappear.

We could also start talking to our neighbors and making sure we all know each other and know what kind of people live near us. I'm sure you once knew all your neighbors. I know most of mine now, but we don't hang out. We know each other and we call to check on each other from time to time and we take the time to know each other.

Be aware of what your child is doing and think about what possible benefit there is in those games. There is none. Why are you allowing that in your home and more importantly, in your child's mind?

If you have guns in your home, are they safely locked? From a teenager who lives in or visits your home?  How safe are they? Remember mental instability doesn't equate to ignorance. Many very highly intellectual children have mental illnesses to varying degrees and watching you unlock and remove and a gun and then seeing you load it and use it, the lesson is easily learned. Any teenager can imitate what you do after seeing it once.

Gun ownership is not an evil thing. Nor do I think we need to remove guns from our homes, if you desire to own one and can pass a screening and training course given by a well-qualified instructor. I do think as a gun owner, you must take the necessary steps to secure them from your children. ALWAYS. No child should be able to hold or remove a gun in your home. No ammunition should be near the gun unless both are in a safe made for the purpose of securing both. Experts have recommended using locks with combinations. Others say a key lock with your key always on your person, like a chain around your neck. Never on your key chain or a key rack located in your home. I have heard of people who keep their keys in another safe along with important papers. Something very difficult to open is the idea. Never count on any gun being unloaded and therefore, not a problem.

I do not have the answers. I am just emptying my head of all the things I am trying so hard to sort and figure out. I just want people to stop thinking that parenting is about feeding, clothing and entertaining their children. I want parents to understand that having a child is a lifetime commitment. Having a child is not giving birth to your new best friend, but rather a responsibility of another human, forming ideas and values, shaping a moral code by your own example, that will most affect your child forever. Others will also add here and there and they will probably not be your clone, but you will be the basis of their morality for life.

How you treat other people and how you handle anger and disappointment will teach your child.

You will have many years when they are grown to be their friend, but it doesn't start until they have left your home and become independent of your support and your rules. They may well move back in as adults. You can be friends then. You can still parent when they want you to, but mostly you will be friends. So raise a child that you would want as a friend. A friend you would invite happily into your home.

Writing this very long piece has made my mind more settled. I know there will always be deranged people who do deranged things, but I hope we learn to curb and maybe even stop some of the future episodes simply by parenting better. By saying no. By making them learn to handle disappointment. By allowing them to lose. No one always wins. Everyone must learn to lose and learn from losing. We all lose sometimes, we don't all go on a shooting spree because life isn't fair. But some do. Parenting does make a difference. Be the parent who says no, who limits everything and is involved in your child's online life and please burn those violent video games, they have no place or purpose in your love filled home.

And teach your children to pray to someone, if not my God, someone else. Teach them to meditate and hear their own thoughts. It's a lifesaving technique. I know it has saved mine.

If you are still reading, thank you. Now please feel free to leave your own thoughts below. No limit on length. I don't plan to reply to any. I am just looking for your thoughts to soak up all the ideas and opinions you might offer.  My own thoughts are suffocating me.


Friday, December 14, 2012



My first car was actually a 1966 Corvair which my husband owned when we got married. He got a different car shortly after we were married, a blue Malibu, which he bought for me. Good idea, but no go. I did drive the Malibu now and then, but I loved the Corvair and he usually let me have it. It was such fun to drive and so cute!

It was followed by two other Corvairs, a brown 1963 and a white 1962, which I loved!  I enjoyed each of them, but that bright red little engine in the trunk car was adorable and I drove it everywhere. It was a great shopping car, big trunk in the front!

It’s funny to me; I have always loved my cars until now. I am now the owner of a mini van. It was a good and necessary purchase in 2004 and I do enjoy driving it, but it isn’t a fun car. It isn’t a cute car. It is, however, still in good shape, runs really well and does allow me to haul 4 grand kids even if they all have to be in the back. That’s a good thing once or twice a year, but seriously, I do not need a mini van anymore.

Why haven’t I gotten a new car?  Well, they are ridiculously expensive and I feel guilty spending money on something I obviously don’t need. I would love to have a Jeep Grand Cherokee or a Ford Escape, but I can’t justify it.  Wanting isn’t a good enough reason to spend $20,000, right? Yeah, I know~I’m really getting old now and sensible has become my middle name.

Never thought, when I was tooling around in my Corvairs, that I’d be sensible!


Thursday, December 6, 2012


The prompt from Daphne Steinberg for the Writer's Post Blog Hop this week is “It is said that ‘Life often imitates art.’ If you could step into a book or a piece of art, which one would it be and why?"

 My life from a book or stepping into a book having led this life so far? Or just a fresh start in some book?
I don't know. I can't imagine taking my 'baggage' into a story, but how could I just forget who I am and what fun would that be?  Okay, I will step into a story and let's see where I get to go!

Mitch Albom wrote a lovely little book called The Five People You Meet in Heaven.  If you have not read it, I highly recommend it. It's a day's read, very well written and he is a masterful storyteller. It is the story of one person's trip into one idea of heaven. The Five People are people who were changed by knowing or meeting this person though unaware until now, or people who changed this person's life. 

My own walk through the invocation would possibly show me a client or two from my years of hairdressing. I am sure there would be one or two who were changed by being with me weekly, monthly or even maybe for that one special day in their life where I made them feel like a princess?  I wonder which or do I already know. I can  think of a couple who cried when they saw themselves, not believing they looked so beautiful. I have cried a time or two myself. Would one of them be waiting to share with me? 

What about someone I just smiled at one day. Absentmindedly smiled at a stranger, which I do often, never knowing it was the only smile they had received in a long time. Did I help someone who needed some little thing at some point and they were changed by that? I don't know.  

What if I hurt someone and changed them forever. What if some little slight on my part because I was in a rush and didn't bother with some little thing, which I could easily have done, caused someone to suffer an unknown pain which changed their life? I know there could be some of those out there.

Who would I meet that changed my life? The obvious ones, family who have gone before me. Friends who have gone before me and certainly affected who I became. One in particular who is responsible for me taking my writing to a new level and actually completing the book I had started numerous times and then writing two more. I miss him everyday. He changed me intensely. I think he knows that, but maybe not.

Would the others be surprises to me? Again, clients who changed my perspective on many things over the years? I can think of a few of those. People who taught me things just by being who they are and being part of my world, although briefly, intimately. Hairdressers become very close to clients who open up to them.

I don't know, but I am now thinking of all the people who I have known in my (~ whoa ~ in 20 days I will be 63 freaking years old ~ whoa ~) life who have passed and I would really love to talk with so many of them again. I will one day, as I have heard from a darling friend of mine, my bags are packed for the trip, but I'm in no hurry to leave. (Thanks Bethie, I think she told me a minister actually said that).

Who do you think you might meet in your heaven?


Linky post 

Monday, December 3, 2012


Once upon a time a very long time ago, an innocent young woman met a handsome and worldly young man. Though he was a few years her senior, both were less than drinking age and had much to learn of life.

They were very much alike in all the ways that matter. Both enjoyed sports of all kinds. A perfect Saturday for them would be playing softball with friends or a round or two of golf or even a long hike in a beautiful area. Anything which required some physical effort, some fresh air and sunshine would beckon them to join. The rainy week-ends would find them watching some sort of game or even movies from the comfort of one of their homes. Since they both lived with their parents, it would be a family time. Both families were fun and both welcomed them hanging out anytime. They shared religious beliefs and neither attended church regularly, but felt their religion was important to who they were.

Classes took up their week days and evenings were spent studying most often.

Her beautiful dark brown curly hair always looked perky and fresh and framed her delicate feminine face which was accentuated by the greenest green eyes he had ever looked into. She stood 8 inches shorter than his 6' 3" self and she tucked nicely into his embrace. She always felt safe and comfortable when he wrapped his arms around her and her face laid easily against his chest. Looking up into his brown eyed square chinned face with those fabulous full lips made her a bit shaky  in the knees. He was her Adonis and she his Aphrodite. A perfect couple, living the dream.

After a full day of golf they were enjoying a lovely dinner at a local bar when out of nowhere he asked her a question she had not expected to hear.

"Do you ever think of dating anyone else?"

There was silence. What the hell? Where did that come from?

"Why would you ask that?" Her tone was nothing short of the shock she felt.

"I just wonder if you want to be with me for the long haul or just for now? I could have asked it better, I guess."

"I always think of us as the long haul. I thought we both did. Was I wrong?"

Silence, again. He was clearly choosing his words with more care, this time.

"You are my forever girl. I believe, were you to walk out of my life right now, in fifty years, I'd still love you. You are the one. Everyone says we are so young, but I feel like an old soul with you. I feel like we had to meet and I never even knew I needed you. I do, need you, I mean. I need you to live the life I was meant to live. I want you in my days, my nights, my mind, my soul and my heart always."

He extended his right hand to receive hers and then his left hand showed her a diamond ring.

"Will you marry me?"

The tears flowed immediately blurring her vision and she could not see the ring. She tried to focus, tried to speak, nothing happened. Pursing her lips and squeezing his hand, she finally looked up into those eyes and then those lips. She leaned over the food and kissed him hard. Her heart pounded and she wanted to speak, but nothing came out. Nothing, but more tears.

He waited patiently. Knowing he had taken her totally by surprise since marriage had never been discussed and they were neither one at the age where most people start to make forever plans, he hoped he had not made a huge mistake. The wedding could be tomorrow or in 10 years, he just wanted to know she would always be his. Seeing her face now, he saw nothing to tell him her thoughts.

Moments passed and she finally found her voice.

"I love you. I know you know that. Marriage is not something I have really thought about. I mean, yes, I do want to marry you. I can't imagine marrying anyone but you, but I'm nowhere near ready. You aren't either! We have a great thing together now and I don't want anything to change." She dropped her eyes from his and felt a tear slide down her cheeks. Had she just blown it?

"I don't care WHEN. I care that we agree that it will happen. I am asking you to choose me above all other men. I am telling you that I choose you above all other women. I am asking you to marry ME, when you are ready. Tomorrow or when we're fifty."

"It will be you. I will marry you."

They hugged, they kissed and he slipped the lovely diamond on her finger. With dry eyes she looked at it and knew with all her being that this was right. He was the one.

As he pulled into a parking space he looked at her again and softly but firmly asked her if she was sure. She was. He got a room key and walked with her into the small motel room. It wasn't much, but it was clean and for this night, it was their own little piece of privacy.

They had kissed and touched and fondled before, but this would be their first night together, the first night they would make love. It would be a night she always remembered. He would remember her face, the feel of her skin and most of all he would remember that he had been her first.

She was nervous, but not afraid. He was a gentle and loving man and she knew instinctively that he would make this a memory she would often recall with warmth.

Stepping from the tiny bathroom wearing only the towel from her shower, she walked slowly to the bed where he lay waiting, ready for her. The only light in the room came from the TV which was muted. The only sound was his soft moan of approval as she slid in beside him. The towel fell to the floor.

She moved into his embrace and he slowly leaned to kiss her fully and gently tasting her moist lips. His hands were touching, stroking and caressing her back, her arms, her legs and her breasts. He lingered over the breasts and lowered his lips to them. He tasted all of her. He breathed in her essence. His loins could wait no longer, the stroking of her velvety hands were nearly driving him crazy. She felt, she stroked, she rubbed and she sighed.

He eased himself onto her and as gently as he could guided himself into her. She gasped and he stopped, she put both hands firmly on his butt and pushed him into her as deep as possible. She could not breathe. She did not care. He carefully moved in and out and she moved easily and naturally with his motion.

Resting still holding each other naked and raw, fully exposed, fully spent, she thanked him.

He smiled and found her face with his eyes to return the gratitude.

"It was exactly as I dreamed it would be."  She meant that.

The wedding would be soon, after all. Her prince charming was right here in her arms and she would not let him go. Her eyes fell upon the perfect diamond again. Love.

The engagement would be short. The wedding would be soon and the love eternal.