Tonight's menu was chicken salad wraps. It was Momma's favorite and I haven't been able to make it for sometime. Today I did. It was delicious and we discussed how often I made it for her. It was a happy conversation.I believe since passing the first anniversary, I have truly turned a big corner. I can't think of a better descriptive phrase.
I find memories are making me smile, rather than cry. I understand on a deep level that I did survive a year without seeing her face, touching her tiny hands or hearing her sounds. She made a lot of little sounds. I still really miss her. I still feel a little lost in this world without her. I also know she is in my mirror, in my heart, in my words often and all around me in her possessions. I am settled in her absence now rather than upset by it. I know she is strong and happy and has found her reward. She will be waiting for me.
I will run to her.
For the days I have left, I will try to be the loving child she raised. I will try to forgive and move on from hurt. I will encourage my children and grandchildren endlessly, as she encouraged me. I will find strength when it appears nonexistent, as she did many times.
I will celebrate and honor her by being the best me I can create.
I will live in the now and count my blessings rather than pine away or wish away my numbered earthly days.