Dear Momma,
This is the third Mother’s Day without you. It should be easier. It should be a day of me celebrating my own motherhood. I am a very blessed mom and raised some incredible humans whom I adore and I know they love and respect me in return. We have a good relationship and I am grateful daily for that. I feel much of that is because I had such a wonderful relationship with you. They learned, perhaps, watching us.
I will not be with my babies again this year. I will not be in Michigan where I could go to the cemetery and sit by your stone and talk. I will be here with Roomy and our friends and most likely it will again be a painful day. We are going to breakfast at one of favorite ocean eateries, Crabby Joe's, with a group of friends. Few of our friends here have their children nearby. We are not the oddballs here, by any definition. We are living among our peers. My support comes from those who have been without longer than I have. They assure me it gets less odd. Less painful is what I’m hoping for. I am not expecting that for many years, I still miss you and can’t imagine that ever going away.
I do want you to know, I am sure you do, that I feel so blessed to have had you holding me up for nearly 65 years of my life. I know what a gift that was. Losing Dad at such a young age was so difficult, but we had each other from that day. Not the same. But something. I’m not feeling sorry for myself because my parents are both gone. I’m feeling loved because I had them. These particular parents were chosen for me. I am me because they raised me. That’s what I am thinking now. That’s how I deal. Gratitude filtered with heartache. Such great love is paid for with great sorrow. I would change nothing, except maybe to have been able to share Florida with you.
The family lunches on the deck are history. The Sunday’s with you, Roomy and I just hanging out are history. They are both wonderful memories and make me smile to recall. I’ll be doing that Sunday. Maybe it’s time to change the guest list, but maybe host that cook-out lunch again.
Anyway Momma, just wanted you to know that I still love you with all that I am and that I am still missing you every minute of my life. Florida would have made you so happy and I think of that every morning while my coffee is brewing, wishing I was brewing two cups. Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day and please give Dad a hug for me. ~ Jo
