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Monday, September 19, 2011

Do You Want To Know A Secret?

A BFF prompt for this dreary Monday...

I am a good secret keeper, but the prompt tells me I should share one!  Okay, I think I could share a couple of them, but I will just pick one today.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could literally taste the desire, but you knew it wouldn't just happen?  You knew you had to MAKE it happen?  I have something in my life that is in that category and yet I seem to lack the actual motivation to MAKE it happen.  Maybe if I get it out of my head and share it, I'll then find the motivation to follow through.

I have been asked to write my Mom's story.  My sister, my brother and some of the nieces and my son, for sure, would like to have this book or pamphlet, as my Mom says.  I would love to write it.  I want it done.  I just can't seem to really start it.  I have some notes from our talks.  I have ideas I have jotted down and I know a bunch of stuff that I have NOT written down.  I also know the best way to get this book done is to set aside a day each week and just sit and talk with her.  Jogging her memory with questions until I get the story in order and fairly accurate.  Some of her memories are confused with times and/or who exactly was involved. Though she is quite sure she has it right when she tells me, a day or so later she'll tell me it wasn't that at all.  So, it's a process.

Why am I not full speed into this project I want to do so badly?  That's the secret.

Somehow, my wandering and sometimes unstable mind seems to think that the writing of her story could mean the end of her story.  There, I said it.  I am afraid to sum up a life that is still going strongly.  A life that is so much a part of my life that I don't really want to make it a memoir. I have tried to convince myself that it would just be a "her life to this point" book, but ...

I am so lucky to have her and I am so happy to hear these stories and even to make notes about them.  I am just not sure it is a book I can write while I have the real thing in my life.  I might be able to, once I get started seriously undertaking the challenge of the project, but I don't know.  So far, I haven't even gotten to that point.

That's one of my deep dark secrets.  No more sharing today.  That's enough for me.



  1. Ok. My take on this is - ask, ask, ask, jot, jot, jot, write, write, write. If you want to write this and I believe that you do, you need to "let go" of the feeling that if you write it that you are writing the "end." You have a "fountain" source of information that you should pump until dry. Write it girl....don't put it off. :) Love ya.


  2. Chele...You know that I know you are right. I "Know" it, but implementing it, ahhh.
    Gotta tune up the mind...really gotta do this.

  3. Jo, before I even got to the third paragraph, I had the same feeling that you portrayed. I it would feel like putting finish to her life and I know I would not be able to do that. Savor the moments, you'll have time and memories to put on paper when the time is right. Good thoughts. Velda

  4. Velda...thank you for understanding that part of what I am working through. I am intent however, on getting the stories directly from her NOW. That is what I have to do now. She is not always a willing story teller, but when she is, I do just keep her talking! I'm collecting, if not writing yet.

  5. Jo-I can relate to this post in a very real yet slightly different way.

    I have wanted for 5 years to write about raising my daughter who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder-- called PDD NOS and I wanted to highlight some of her great achievements and obstacles that she has over come. I have learned so much about her, so much about ASD's and so much of this information could help other people.

    Part of me feels that if I write this story--I'm speaking for her--not letting her tell it. Like most kids, she doesn't remember everything. It is hard. I don't want to take her story from her. I don't even know if that made sense. She also is not interested when I ask questions about how she felt prior to this happening or during that happening. Not sure how to go about it from that angle.

    Maybe one of these days I'll figure it out?

    As for writing down your mom's stories...even if you do not write the memoir or book right now--write everything down she tells you. I do this with my Grandma. She is a wealth of information when she's feeling pretty good and I don't push her too hard!!

    Cheers, Jenn.

  6. Jenn...I get it. It might be a story you could tell from YOUR side. Leaving her story for her to tell or not. I would love to read your story of raising such an angel.
    As for my Mom notes, I do write everything down. I even choose specific areas I want to know more about when we are just chatting, but it's the actual writing that I struggle with.
    Thank you so much for understanding and taking the time to tell me so. I appreciate it, so much.

  7. You should get video or audio of your Mom. I wish I had. It's not like I didn't know better because many years ago, I had the foresight to ask my Grandmother to make a couple of cassette tapes. I still have the tapes and now that I'm thinking about it, I need to listen to them again because she told some great stories and some family history. The tapes are priceless in my family!

  8. Darlene...I am planning to tape some sessions with her soon. She is not on board with doing that, but once she gets used to it, it'll be fine. I think. I agree it's a great thing to keep forever.


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