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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One Year Ago

Please leave your thoughts...I love when you do that!

One year ago...this weeks word prompt on GBE2...jeesh.  Okay, I can do this.

I spend very little time looking back or thinking back to even a week ago, let alone a year ago.  I am challenged to even remember what was going on in my life, never mind my mind in September of 2010.

My oldest granddaughter was getting married that month and I remember thinking that 22 years flew by because try as I did at that time, I could not account for even half of those years.  The main events of my life in the years since her birth seemed to all run together.  I could remember high lights, of course, but not in chronological order.  The births of the rest of the grandchildren and the marriages of the other kids fell in place in order, but otherwise, the vacations, the special dates with Mike, special times with Mom and my sister or my best friend, the divorces of two of our kids,  those all seemed just to have happened at sometime in that span of time.  I'm really not good at looking back!

I do know that I am not the same person I was then.  I am sure that I have evolved in some small way because that is what aging really is.  As each year passes, we become a little 'more' than we were.  I, for example, am a little grayer than I was last September.  I am a little lazier.  I, absolutely, am happier in my life choices since retirement happened since then.  I am more free.  I am also more melancholy.  When I try to think back, I find I get just a bit sad.  Time goes way too fast and our lives are just whizzing by while we either run to keep up or sit and watch it pass.  I do a bit of both.  I am currently in ...  oops, this is about last year.  Sorry.

I celebrated by husband's birthday, my son's birthday and the aforementioned granddaughter's birthday in September of 2010, much as I have every September since each of them came along.

I am certain that I was beginning my annual fall depression.  I am deeply involved in that right now.  I get to pretend on the warm and sun filled days that it isn't happening and I can be happy and productive on those days.  But the overcast or cooler days, the rainy days and the changing of the leaves and dying of my beautiful summer flowers...all that sends me inside of myself.  I am not very good company even for myself on those days.  I am sure I was there a year ago and I don't want to remember that.

One year ago I did not have time to paint my house which needed every single room refreshed. It is now done.  I did not have any idea how we would manage to get a new winter cover for the pool because the cost was much higher than I had guessed.  We want the automatic cover that works as a solar cover, safety cover and winter cover.  It is key operated and we will be able to open and close our pool seasonally without having to pay someone to do that for us.  That has now been ordered and should be installed within the month.  

I did not know that I would have a new grandchild this year...come November, I shall have that!

A year ago I was deciding my future.  I began to think about retiring and I began to worry that we would outlive our money, as old people are apt to do.  The worrying part, not the outliving part.  I wondered if I would be sorry.  Wondered if I would be broke in a year.  I'm neither.   

This is just too depressing...I'm back to living now.  This reflection is not healthy for someone my age in my general state of mind with limited resources available.  I am beginning to think I did nothing for an entire year and I swear to you, I did some stuff.  I lived every single day and I even enjoyed most of them.  I just don't have a clue doing what!

*sigh*  A year ago was 12 months ago and everything I did then and until this moment in time has changed me somehow in some way and added to the total being I am today. 

Not sure it's a good thing, but it's true enough.



  1. I get what you mean where you wonder if you actually *did* anything in the last year. The little things have to count for something, aye?

  2. Steven, I sure hope so! LOL I actually think it's a good thing that I can't really remember much from last September just because it means nothing really bad happened and that ain't a bad thing!
    Thanks for stopping and sharing...:)_

  3. It's amazing how quickly "things" happen, and anymore, unless it creates undo duress, I just don't notice....guess that is getting rid of the drama! Nicely done, m'lady.

  4. Leigh...nothing jumping into my mind means nothing really good and nothing really bad happened! It's all good. Thanks for sharing!

  5. There is so much truth in this post! Looking back tends to make me sad longing for what is lost, so I force myself to live in the moment, with each day as if it is my last. Wonderful post, I enjoyed reading it. Just because we don't remember all the little things that happened a year ago, all those little things put together bring us to where we are today.


  6. Kathy...I can't say that looking back makes me sad as much as it just seems to keep me from moving forward. Thx for sharing your thoughts, I agree with the 'bring us to where we are today' part, for sure.

    Claudia...Thank you so much. It's not the ending's the present! LOL

  7. I totally understand what you mean about all the times running together and about some details missing. Story of my mind!! Well done, Jo. And, congrats on the retirement!

  8. The kids getting divorced–WOW! I think of my kids finding someone and getting married, but I hadn't thought of what happens to––what?––half of the marriages these days?

    Thanks for being a faithful blog visitor!


  9. SJZG...Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Life is just a bunch of minutes all strung out! I am so glad you liked my rambling.

    Joyce...Thanks again for stopping by and commenting. Yeah, I never thought about the big D hitting them either, but it's life. They're all fine and movin' on...but it's awfully hard on the 'rents to loose 'children' because of divorce. The in-laws become family and then, it's supposed to just be over. We didn't fall out of love, unfortunately for us.

  10. Ah Jo, I found you!
    Sometimes we're just in the mood to reflect, to get our mental house in order, or toss up our hands and take a walk. At 82 my day calls taking care of family, watering the violets.
    Nice post.

  11. I don't look back all that much, either. Like you, some moments stand out...for me, they're not always the traditionally 'special' days, but are often instead a funny or touching event that sticks with me. I can't always attach a date to those moments, but they are worth a revisit now and then.

    You did great with this and I love your attitude. I hope spring comes soon for you and that even in the winter the sun shines brightly in your life. ♥

  12. I have a cousin who grows depressed in winter and especially on "grey" days. I'm sorry you get depressed. I have been, but getting better. My Mom burned to death 3 years ago and it threw me into the worst depression of my life. I am just now recovering and hope to never go there again. I also understand the melancholy that comes with aging. I try not to look back too much, but then I find myself looking back anyway. are retired one year! Aren't you surprised at how little you are spending now? I had all the same fears, but after delaying my retirement by 6 years, I finally did it 3 years ago and love it! I will NEVER work again! I think it just gets better and better.

    Great blog!

  13. GenePoolDiva...I'm so glad you found me! Thanks for stopping by and letting me know you were here. I appreciate your kind remarks.You are a mere 20 years older than I, yet I am akin to what you say about the occasional housekeeping of the mind. It is necessary.

  14. Beth...No chance that the depression will pass by me until or unless I get to go seek sunshine at some point during the January to March period. I have an attack now and it will lighten some when I start working toward the holidays and then the big one after the holidays. That 3 month period just pulls me down regardless of how much fun I try to find in everyday life. Writing helps.
    Thanks for commenting and stopping by and thanks for the good wishes.
    It is tough being solar powered.

  15. Darlene...So glad you stopped by and commented. I appreciate your support.
    I am approaching one year into retirement and loving this life. It is wonderful to make my own schedule and have time for lunch with my best bud and shopping or hanging out with Momma. So good.
    The depression is a result of being solar powered and other than actually finding sun and warmth from Jan to March...I am just a big bummer!

  16. Well, if you lived every day and enjoy most, than it was a good year. As someone who suffers from depression and its friend mania, I know how that goes. I don't know your age, but at my age, 62, I find looking back a bit more fun than I used to, especially if I can remember it, lol.
    A Pirate Looks Past Sixty

  17. Pam...I will be 62 in 3 months and I find looking back pretty much unnecessary...unless it is with my Momma because I love hearing her stories of many years ago. But my life is about now.
    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.


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