Year two without Momma on a special day that was all about her. Her birthday in October and this day will always be difficult, but get through them, I will.
I remember all the years of cleaning up my little ones and heading to Grandma's for a few hours. Never considered not going. It was HER day. I would declare the day before or even the day after, as MY day. It worked because I was a daughter first. I remember with great warmth and so much love, the last several Mother's Days with her at our house for the week-end. My brother and sister-in-law drove from Indiana or Illinois for a few hours with her and my sister came for a while to celebrate our mom. She would sit and enjoy the day, outside, if possible, while we waited on her and visited with each other and her. Sometimes the kids would drop by, sometimes not. It was always Saturday Mother's Day because of brother's having to travel. Then Sunday, it would be Momma, me and Mike unless one of the boys came by, which they sometimes did. Mike pampered us both so we shared the Sunday Mother's Day.
Being a daughter was mostly just pleasure. Mostly just enjoying being there for her as she always was for me. Sometimes it was difficult to know what to do and when to step back because I wanted to help her stay independent and healthy and sometimes she just wanted to sit. I realize now, that wasn't a bad thing. We should all get to choose and if sitting is the choice, so be it. Long life isn't always such a good thing.
Moving to Florida means Mother's Day is a day of Roomy and I finding something to do that brings me peace. The ocean. This year we are in Michigan getting our little trailer set up for a monthly visit next month and once a year after. One son is at the KY Derby! One worked late nights a couple times this past week so he's likely busy making up for two evenings he wasn't home. So it's Roomy, Miggy, Cody (sons dog who is at the Derby) and me. No ocean.
So I'm sitting here with Miggy curled onto my leg, Roomy and Cody on the patio, sipping my coffee after delivered breakfast from Nick's has been shared. I'm thinking of my 47 years of motherhood and my 64 years of daughterhood. I have such a wonderful "book" of memories from both. I have these responsible adult children that I love beyond measure and you know what? My life is good. This day is tough but also very uplifting.
The quiet, the peace that now fills my days is something I used to dream of. It's a reality now and to my core, my soul, I am such a happy human that I hardly believe it myself some days.
The losses are so real today. The heartache so strong. The tears have already found release a couple of times, but at the heart of it, the blessings win. The smile returns. My heart knows peace.
Thinking of Momma, the kids, the grand babies...all with smiles and too much love. Blessings each and every one. Happy Mother's Day to us all.