When the Mom is Still the Mom

Today we crossed another milestone of sorts. I bought Momma a beautiful and very functional walker. It's purple and has a cool seat with a padded back rest. Yep, it's as cool as a walker can be. But it's a walker. Now, some would be happy to be able to walk safely just by pushing this little cutie around and some would even be excited to be able to venture outside alone because of it. Some would simply say it'll be nice to use for the night time potty trips and tell you it should be stored in the bedroom next to the bed for just such a case. Oh, that is my Momma...the last one.

I have been watching her stagger and catch herself for months. I have worried constantly about her falling while home alone. I have been reminding her constantly of the "Help I've Fallen" necklace function. That it must be worn at all times. Sometimes it's on the table beside her when I stop in. She takes it off if we are leaving the apartment. She doesn't sleep with it, but keeps it right beside her bed and tells me she carries it with her if she gets up. I hope that is true. I truly believe this walker could restore her independence somewhat. It could make her feel safe venturing outside or even just going around the apartment. She walked so smoothly and so quickly when she tried it out. I was amazed how well she did with it and she seemed unimpressed. It was as if she thinks she always walks like that. I made it very clear that she does not. I hope she listened.

For those of you who have not been in this position, may I just say it's very hard some days to be the kid. I want so much for her that she is unwilling to do. She is still my mom. She is still in charge of her own life. I have limits and I am fighting to keep myself in them. It is my nature to nag her into being more active and eating better and doing what she could do before she is not able. Every week there is something else she is no longer able to do. Her strength is failing rapidly. It's very hard to allow this to happen when you are so aware of how little she would need to do to regain that strength. I am not good at this. I am learning how to keep my big mouth shut, but I'm not exactly there, yet. I'm sure she hopes I get there soon. I hope so, too. Nagging is not working and only upsets us both. Yes, I know this. Yes, I want to be the loving daughter who allows her to be whatever makes her happy. I'm working on this...

The walker was parked in the kitchen when I left because she doesn't like it in the middle of her living room floor. UGH. She does not have company often, but it bothers her just sitting there next to where she sits, though it would only be helpful from that spot. I give up. I hope she figures out how much simpler her mobility would be using it and having it close by. I also hope that I learn to let it be.

I am so blessed to have such a fiesty momma and such a fun person to hang out with and to care for. I am so blessed that she is healthy and for the most part independent in nature and spirit. But mostly I am blessed that at 91 she still wants to be with me even if I am a nag. She knows I only want what's best for her, but I need to learn that what is best for her now is whatever she wants. Period.

If you have this in your future...take my advice and start now learning to butt out. Provide what is needed and offer whatever help is needed and otherwise, shut-up. Just love and enjoy and provide. That's where I'm trying to get.

Jo