DEAR YOUNGER SELF

DEAR YOUNGER SELF

#theblogginglounge

February 23, 2014

I have done a couple of these posts in the past and I always enjoy doing it, but today, it feels more difficult to look back and give myself advice or even to sit in judgment of that girl or woman of my past. She did okay with what she had to work around and the choices she made seem to have worked okay in the long run. Though she put herself through some unimaginable pain and strife, she learned and grew from those, so they were necessary to arrive here. She did okay.

I do wish I could whisper to the little girl I once was and tell HER that being the baby is not a bad thing and that her family really does love her. I wish she knew how vital those summers in Ohio with the grandparents would be for all the days of her life. She thought she was just having fun. Truth is, she was learning what kind of person she wanted to become. She was learning the value of the kitchen. The heart of many homes is there and at her grandmother's table she was learning how to love nurturing your family. It wasn't about cooking a meal, it was about providing what you had to nourish your family and doing that because that was your job in the grand scheme of things. You were to provide the warmth, the fuel and the gathering spot which ties the family together. That is what dinner is or was back in the day. For me, today, feeding my family is still something I feel compelled to do and love doing. That little girl thought she was just chatting with her grandmother and learning a few of her favorite recipes, and I use that term loosely because it was a little of this and just enough of that and stir and simmer until it's done...no measurements and no times or temps were needed. She did learn, but she had no idea she was learning.

I might tell her to pay more attention to the lessons of summer in Ohio. I might remind her that her home in Michigan is a good place filled with people who do love her and a mom who will eventually allow her freedom in the kitchen so she can also learn to love meal preparation. That mom will give over the kitchen for some not real good meals while she learns her way around and will offer much advice about how to make it better next time. A dad who will eat anything she hands him, including the forty-hundredth omelet she is trying so hard to perfect. Never suggesting that she try something new because until that omelet looked like the picture and tasted delicious, she wasn't satisfied enough to move on. Bless his heart. She wasn't aware of all the wonderful things in her simple life that not everyone had. She assumed the whole world lived as she did. I would tell her to step back and look more closely at her friends' homes; they were not all as easy to live in as her's. They didn't all have a mom and a dad living there and they weren't all as loved as she. She had no idea.

I might even tell her to just continue to live the carefree life as long as she could because eventually we all have to grow up and be responsible and while she could, just enjoy her closet rooms or her row of doll heads that she couldn't bear to throw away long after the body of said doll was in tatters and had been discarded. It seemed wrong to her to throw away a head. While I now think that is really weird, it was the beginning of the woman who thinks all faces are worth seeing and saving. Good for you little girl who had no idea why, but could not throw away a face. Good for you.

Yes, I would for sure tell her to carry on and smile and laugh and remember just this one thing...you are loved little one and valued by some very remarkable people.

Jo

BEGINS WITH...#Thebloggerslounge

My generation is often referred to as "the sandwich generation" because many of us have children in our homes and parents also needing care in our homes or a facility. I am not technically in either of those situations so I don't qualify. However, is there a parent anywhere with grown children who doesn't feel the need to parent forever? Is there a child who doesn't feel the need to "parent" an aging parent who can't quite make it alone?

My kids are grown and self-sufficient.  They don't need me. They are totally capable of living their lives without my input. I think. I mean, I'm not about to give them that opportunity. I keep my nose in their business by asking questions and I am always here for the long talks moms and kids have to shake things out or to make decisions. I don't make decisions for them, not that they would ask, but I listen and give my opinions and then support their decisions, even when that's hard. It's what I do. I believe in them and their ability to handle consequences of their actions because they have proven over the years that they can do this and I have learned over those same years to be compassionate, but butt out at some point.

My mom, now that's a different story all together. She has always been very capable and since Dad died 35 years ago, very independent. She has always appreciated any help or assistance I've given her and I have done so willingly and lovingly. For the past 4 years she has lived here in the same area where I live and not wanting to drive. She could, but not safely, so good choice. I am the taxi, the checkbook balancer, the call those people and ask questions guy, the take care of business guy. I am her baby girl and she often thanks me for doing those things. It is my pleasure, most of the time; sometimes it's just my job and I just do what needs to be done. Sometimes she doesn't appreciate me at all. Sometimes she resents me. That's hard.

Aging is a mean thing. I have concluded from my experience with people who are 90 and older that being entitled is part of life. "I don't have to" is an answer to things she should be doing, but doesn't want to do. She is right. She only has to eat right if she wants to feel better. She only has to move around more if she wants to be able to move around more. Those are the two areas we discuss most often. With very little progress, I might add, because she doesn't have to. What I see happening with her is decline. Mental and physical and in the last year, much more rapidly than previous years. I want to help her live a more comfortable and healthier life, but I cannot make her do anything. I can't make her be nice about that, either. I can continue to be straight-forward in a kind way, but I can't change who she is or what she says. She can be very mean in her effort to assert herself. It's hard.

I am learning from this experience. I am aware that at some time as I age, my mind will not function as I need it to do. I know that I will continue to lose memory. I will  need assistance with physical things more than I do today. I will not be completely self-sufficient and I will need help. I have learned that when that time comes I will have to be very conscious of the words I choose. I will need to remember to be kind and appreciative. I will also need to maintain as much independence as I possibly can for as long as I can. I have also learned that my future really does depend on my today. Mentally I must begin with today. I have to prepare myself to age gracefully and with as much mental awareness as is possible to maintain by eating healthy food and exercising physically to maintain some strength and balance.

Avoiding what I am dealing with today with my own beloved mother for my children. Or perhaps for the people they hire to take care of their old decrepit mom. I don't know, I only know it
BEGINS WITH the choices I make today.

Jo

The Flower Cart #theblogginglounge

Standing at the back door looking out to the greenest of green grass while my coffee brews

 makes the morning feel fresh and new. Maybe makes life feel fresh and new.

Yes, a new start. A new chance.

Not that life has been bad to this point, not at all.

Yet, since the goal is to be a better person each day, the green-ness is a reminder.

The little cart with ivy growing and blooms just about to open is alone in the center of the yard.

It sits with no distractions.

Seeing it feels warm. Seeing it feels as if nature is tapping on my shoulder. Come play!

And play, I shall.

I am not able to refuse the call of sun and warm air and green things growing.

I will tend to the flowers and the pristine water in the pool.

I will sit near the bird bath and hummingbird feeders and enjoy their chirps.

I will sip my coffee in silence just soaking in all that makes me happy about my own 

little piece of the earth.

Just the sight of the little cart I filled with growing plants will be enough to step into this day 

with a smile of summer's promises.

Jo

Busy Blog Pages

I write this piece as a blogging service announcement. You may agree or disagree or just think I'm nuts in the head. All fine with me. I'm going to write it anyway, cuz I feel like it needs to be said.

My expertise comes from being a professional (albeit unpaid) blog reader and commenter. I read and comment a great deal more than I write. I love a well laid out blog page that makes reading easy and commenting easy breezy.

Some of the biggest problems I, as your reader, have encountered involve the junk on your page other than your blog. The ads that pop up and have to be removed so that I can read on. The left side list of places you want me to share your blog that interfere with your words. The badges that take up a quarter of your page that I have to scroll through to get to the comments. Typing my name, email and website addy every time I want to comment. Captchas! Music that plays automatically when I open your blog. I like quiet. A blog written around pictures which don't show on a mobile FB platform. Subscribe to me pop-ups while I'm reading in the middle of the page.

One or two of those don't really bug me that much, but dang, if you want readers you really have to think about someone who is trying to read your words being able to actually read them without a bunch of stuff to work around. Your readers are lazy and they came for your words. Not for your extra add-ons.

Just suggesting here that I'm probably not the only reader who doesn't come back often if it's too distracting to read. And I don't comment where there is a captcha and often don't comment if the site can't remember my email or web page addy after I type in my name.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

Just sayin' make it easy for the people you are trying to attract! Doesn't that make sense?

Or no? It's your blog and your readers. It's just my opinion.

Jo

SAD Update

January 17, 2014

We are in the midst of a horrible winter, weather wise. We've had a record snow fall and an epic ice storm and we have seriously just begun the season. It's tough to even watch the forecasts because, honestly, I don't want to know what's next. What I smile about is that over 100 days have passed since the SAD season has launched and this sufferer is not suffering. I am looking at each day as it comes and I am facing each one as happily as I can manage because, after all, it's only one day. I can do anything for one day. And the tomorrow? I'll do it again.

Each morning starts with a smile to me. Just because I like who I am. Then a quick look at the days motivational phrase. Today it was, "There is comfort in familiar places and good friends."  That's a nice thought for any day. From there I give myself a quick list of blessings in my life and finish my first cup of coffee with hazelnut coffee mate.

All of this is done inside my head, privately to me. Except the coffee, that's a nice warm and fresh cup in my hands and warming my chilly body while settling and setting my mind for this day.

I cannot recall another Michigan winter that has been so calm. I can't think of any other cold, dreary or stormy season that I could easily laugh everyday. Nor another fall/winter that I could curl up with a book because I wanted to get lost in the story and not because I couldn't face reality, just because I wanted to enjoy fantasy.

2014. Welcome and bring it! I'm good. I'm grateful. I'm strong and I'm winning!

Jo

WHO AM I?#theblogginglounge

So okay...my name is Jo. I am, like most people, very complex. I can be different things at different times.   

I am a daughter. Momma is 91. Dad passed away in 1978.

I am a sister. I have one brother and one sister.

I am a wife. Roomy has been with me over 31 years.

I am a mom. I gave birth twice, one girl and one boy. I also inherited four children when I married Roomy. He had two girls and two boys. Life happened and the girls divorced us. The boys are still part of our lives, but one more than the other, partly because one moved out of state and isn't interested in what is going on here. We have adjusted to this. Can't say we ever really accept it, but it is fact and we can't dwell on what we've lost because we have three families who need us to dwell on them and we happily do so.

About 2 years ago I retired for the second time and finally last December, a year ago, Roomy retired for the third and final time. It's been a year of adjustment for us and honestly, it's been pretty easy in most areas. Probably the hardest part has been finding our alone time. Or should I say my alone time. He goes to the downstairs "sports arena" to watch TV every evening and has done so for many years. We cannot watch much TV together because there are very few shows we both like. That's fine because I'm usually on FB and watching anyway, so there wouldn't be much conversation. It's the morning time that was hard. He likes to get up EARLY and I'm a night owl and sleep in. I also like to quietly drink my coffee and NOT TALK. He is a chatty boy in the morning. He has learned to sit quietly until I speak. It's all good. :-)

I write in streaks. I have a lot to say now and then, yet other times I feel mute. I suppose it has a great deal to do with how busy I am with household projects or family business or just grand kids. I don't like to write in small windows of time. I like to write when I can write until my head is empty. It fills with stories and characters and ideas and blog thoughts and eventually ~ I just have to sit and purge the gray matter until I am clear headed once again. That's when I HAVE to write. My goal has always been to be disciplined enough to sit for at least an hour a day and write SOMETHING. Alas, I am not that disciplined. I apparently am a writer of need. Full head...write. It works for me, so...

I was for many years a hairdresser and I always said that, right after my name. Now, I just say my name. I am kind of happy about that. I feel like I am a woman without a title and I am good with that because, as I said earlier, I am complex and many different people. So I'm now just Jo. The girl with many hats and a smile for everyone. And a hug for most!

Jo

Looking Back? Forward? Happy New Year!

Not one to lounge around rethinking what is done and can't be undone, I look forward, most often if I'm thinking of anything other than now.  On the brink of a new year, I wonder what is in store for "us"as a couple, "us" as a family and "us"as friends.
Taking a moment to look back, it's been a stressful time for my family with many good and love-filled times mixed in. Life is often that way. At the end of 2013 I see little changing except acceptance of things that cannot be changed. Making new plans for the new life that has had alterations that were not wanted, but were applied. We will find our way and we will survive and might even find a better life, at the end of the day.
All in all, 2013 brought the couple a wonderful amount of family time and grandkids time and Momma had a fairly good year with only one tiny medical scare, which turned out to be age related and at 91, she is in good health. The couple began retirement life with a full lower level remodel and we have enjoyed it every day since it's completion last April. The retirement life has gone quite well so one year in, I'd say this is going to be a good way to face the golden years. Just walking through them enjoying the life we've built.
What does 2014 hold for any of "us"?  I don't know, but I see another opportunity to grow as people. Another chance to be a better person. Lord knows, I have a great deal of room for improvement.  I think it's the year of finding who I want to be for the rest of my life. I am realizing that I have spent a lot of energy and time climbing mountains for people I care about and for people who needed a friend only to find that they don't cross the sidewalk for me for any reason. I'm not willing to do that any more. I'm still willing to be there for anyone who needs me and I will give whatever I have to give, but it will not be available on a let me drop my life right here and run to you, basis. It may be a little more on my schedule. I'm not going to find this change easy, but I'm going to work on it.
I am personally going to lower my expectations. I have begun this long lesson and it has worked for my level of happiness and relationships have gotten better because I am just accepting people I really love for who they are without expectations of them doing what I'd like. But, rather being overjoyed at what they do.  It turns out to be better all around that way. The less you ask or expect, apparently, the more you actually receive. I will work on spreading that no expectation thing to everyone in my life.
As long as I can feel loved by those I love, it's a good life. As long as I can feel the sun and not live in eternal winters, life is good.

Happy 2014 to you all and if you'd like,  leave a comment about your "new" plans!

Jo