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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Momma Has Gone Home

In this life you have parents, if you're lucky, who guide you, set examples for you and knock you into last week, when needed. I had that. I had a sister and brother who were older than me to learn from and I did that. I learned how to maneuver through my teens without getting grounded. I did that mostly by staying out of trouble. I may have been grounded a time or two, but I don't remember.
What I do remember is mostly good or funny things and I think that's just right.

My dad passed in 1978 at the age of 56 leaving Momma alone in a world where she had never been alone. She lived 45 minutes from her closest kids. She had never paid a bill. Never used a checkbook. Didn't know whom they owed what nor whether or not she had enough money to pay them. With a little guidance from her children she took it all on head first. The once completely dependent woman became Miss Independence and she remained that until just a few years ago. Five years ago she gave up driving and became dependent on Jo's Taxi. It was nice to spend time with her and help her meet her needs at the same time. It was rarely an inconvenience. Our lives have been closely intertwined for the last 5 years.  More closely than ever before.

On August 5, she left her beautiful and beloved apartment to take up residence with Roomy and I and her two grandpups. She did this willingly and was welcomed lovingly. Life was much better for us with her under our roof. She was eating better, drinking more water and being treated pretty much like a queen. For the most part, it was our pleasure to care for her. Stress happened, but it was never more important than her safety and happiness. She was happy. We were happy.

On September 9 at 2 am I was awakened by her calling my name. I reached her in seconds and saw her collapse on the hall floor just short of my bedroom doorway.  I bent to help her up. She did not assist me at all. She always helped get herself up. I sat on the floor holding her head and shoulders in my lap while Roomy called Life Alert. Before he finished giving them details, she took her last breath and I continued to hold, kiss and cry.  Momma had left for her reward knowing she was loved. Hearing my voice tell her so. Feeling wanted and part of this household, not a visitor. I am grateful for those moments. Momma began her journey to Dad from the loving arms of her baby.

I miss her already. But I carry no regrets. I loved her fully and for the most part, gave her the best I had. I am so filled with awe. The house didn't sell because she wasn't meant to go south. The house is off the market this week because we need to mourn. She was here with us because God sent her here to pass in love, not alone.

God bless her soul and Momma, thanks for being Momma.  Give Dad a big hug and lots of love from us. I know he's been waiting a long time for your arrival.

Jo


28 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss, Jo. Wish I was nearer you to give you a big hug xx

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  2. Oh Jo. Tears are welling in my eyes! How precious she wanted you with her when she went. She wanted and needed you. She called for you and was coming for you. She loved you so!! She didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you. My heart aches for you. Everything happens for a reason dear Jo. You haven't sold the house because she was meant to begin her journey from there, with you by her side with memories of her all around you to embrace you as you mourn this loss. Losing your mom is devastating. She has been there for you all your life, and like a good daughter you were there for her. Bless you my dear friend. May the Lord grant you comfort as you grieve. My heart goes out to you. I know how vital a part of your life she was....and how empty a void she has left behind. I pray you will have strength to deal with what you must and revel in the millions of precious memories she gave you and you shared with you throughout your life. She will be with you always. HUGS and Love my dear friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ♥

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    1. What a wonderful comment. She was a HUGE part of my life and I'm a little lost right now. I'm sitting in her chair. It's kind of a hug. It's nice.
      She will always be with me, no doubt.

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  3. Beautiful. It is amazing how you are able to find the silver lining amidst the pain. I am sorry that she is gone, but I sure am proud of the daughter you were to her.

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    1. The blessings are screaming their way into my mind trying to drown out the pain. It's working sometimes. Sometimes the loss wins. I know Dad has her safely in his arms now and I am so grateful that I was holding her next to my heart as she needed and so did I.

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  4. Jo, what a beautiful and loving tribute to a great lady! I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. But it was God's plan that she moved in with you, and you could be there with her when her time came, and not be alone. Your love for her is evident in every blog post and Facebook update! She was truly blessed to have such a loving Daughter, that gave so much back to her. While you mourn her loss, know that she rests easy in the arms of her Lord and is joyful in her reunion with your Dad. Love and prayers to you and your family. With deepest sympathies, Joe

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    1. Thank you, Joe. This lovely. The gratitude for her being here with me and feeling her last breath... Indescribable. She brought me in and I assisted her departure. I so love her. I'm so thankful God brought her here when He did.
      I'll take all the love and prayers you have to offer up.

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  5. Jo, I've been reading about your experiences and have been so touched by the open-arms welcome you gave your mother. Imagine, how much easier her life was knowing that you embraced the chance to care for her as you did. I'm thinking of you today, but more important, I will share your experience with anyone I know who could use your example.

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    1. What a lovely thing to say and do. Thank you so much. Gentle persuasion was my tactic most often. That and just trying to make her happy. I feel good about our relationship and I do not regret anything I gave up to be with her. She gave up much in her life for me.

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  6. I'm so glad you were able to give each other what you both needed.

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    1. So am I. A true mother-daughter connection.

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  7. Words, I have none.. You were both blessed, she had you and you had her.. And we, your readers, your friends, are doubly blessed as well.. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, precious momma with us.. God Bless you both..

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    1. It has been my pleasure to share. She was one of a kind. My Momma is at peace now with Dad and I know he hasn't stopped smiling.

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  8. Again there are no words, I'm grieving almost as if it were my Mom again, In this case. I can say I know some of what you are feeling. I'm happy she was with you what a precious memory. You're in my thoughts and my eyes are streaming. I love you. Velda

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    1. I love you like family and you know that. I cried so long when you lost your mom and I knew it would be the same when I lost mine. I just didn't think it would come so quickly. I'm grateful there was no long illness and no hospital stay. Just a few minutes of moving on in my arms. I'm so grateful.

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  9. Oh Jo, it's so wonderful she was there with you and with family when she passed. My warm thoughts are with you at this time. xo S

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  10. Jo, I am so thankful that you and your mom had those few moments to say goodbye. What a blessing that is. I would have given anything I had to have had that opportunity when my mom died. You were such a blessing in her life, as she was in yours. God did have a plan and by his mercy and grace, you are now able to understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend, and I only wish I was close enough to be there for you. I love you.

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    1. Your love and support transcends the miles my friend. I feel your hugs and your love. You are here with me. I am surrounded by support and love and prayers.

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  11. Oh Jo. I am speechless. Honestly. To have her die in your arms...I personally couldn't ask for more as a daughter. My prayers and love go out to you.

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    1. That's what I've been saying...it was such a gift. If I had to let go, it was all I could hope for.

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  12. Aunt Jo, I'm always fascinated by your writing. So sorry she had to go, but the way you described her departure makes it seem like it was meant to be this way. I've had the pleasure of meeting your lovely mother once or twice. And while she wouldn't likely remember me, I remember her holding my baby girl and she seemed so sweet. I love u Aunt Jo. I wish nothing but the best for you and Uncle Mike. Love, the Colón family.

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    1. It was absolutely meant to happen this way. His plan, His time. My blessing and Momma's as well. I remember her holding your baby very well and she did remember you because that little girl touched her heart.

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  13. Losing a parent is tough. Hang in there. I send you lots of (((Hugs)))

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    1. Yes. Always difficult. I'll take those hugs!

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  14. Hugs to you Jo at this tough time. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman, loving and resilient. I'm glad you two had such a good relationship and were together at the end so you could say goodbye. My sympathies and be good to yourself in the weeks ahead on this grief journey. I hope all the memories are comforting. Take care.

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    1. Thank you Cat. It's been very up and down as I look at one week without her tomorrow. Family and friends have made all the difference and having Roomy hang around doing all he can while still sharing my loss is another of my many blessings. I know I will continue with ups and downs, but overall, I am just grateful we had what we had and those memories fill my heart.

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