GBE #3. letter to 13 year old Jo Dear Jo, 1963 edition: I want you to remember just a few things as you move forward to highschool. 1) you really are enough, just as you are. 2) life will never be fair, but you must be. 3) tough times create tough girls. 4) live all your moments, good and bad in faith. That is it. If you live in those guidelines, you will be all you were made to be and no one can be more than that.b>

TIME

GBE#2 TIME. My one commodity of which i have plenty is, time. I am not a busy person nor to I want to be. when I have a project to do, I like having my own time line, an hour here and there or maybe a day or two of buckling down and gettin' 'er done. Either way, it's entirely up to me. Retirement took me awhile to get used to. I had always been a person who just had ti fill every weekend with chores that I didn't have time for during the work week. I'm not her anymore. I enjoy doing what I'm capable of doing to keep the homestead in good repair and clean. I very much enjoy doing so at my leisure because I live in Florida, east coast, and it's very hot here from April through November usually. so working slowly and taking a lot of breaks is necessary and makes the chore go better. Having explained allof that...I also love lounging. I'm a crossword, find a word, make a word, puzzle building computer girl. Computer games can fill my whole day and I'm good with that, sometimes. I also enjoy Bingo, cards with my tribe and an occassional dinner out with the ladies ofour community and friends. Time, I have plenty and it is one of the things I am most grateful to have, I don't have to work,not yet anyway. It could happen if prices donkt soon begin to level out.

Alone and lost in my loss

I lost my husband of 40 years in May of 2022. After 8 weeks of hospitalization and an emotional roller coaster of good news, not much improvement, looking good again...his kidneys finally just stopped and he began the process of leaving us with relief and peace. I could see that in his face. Felt it in the firmness with which he held my hand. When he could speak, he was loving and asking me to please let him go. I promised to do so when he was called home. Told him we would all be ok and would look after each other. Told him he could go in peace, because his work here was done. Told him I would miss him until we joined hands again. Hoping beyond measure that it would be sooner rather than later. I meant every word. I believed we would be okay, the kids, the grands and myself. None of us will ever really be okay again. His loss was much bigger than I allowed myself to believe. Bigger than any of us realized until it was real. The result of all of this is that I now want to pull back from everyone I love because I don't want to cause anyone else this kind of empty existence. This kind of pain. No purpose because my purpose is gone. No future because there is nothing left that I can do. The things I'd like to do, I can't possibly afford. The things I could do, I have no interest in really. So I fill my time by doing the household chores that we used to share, inside and out. I have to pay someone to do the things I'm not physically capable of doing. I spend a few hours three times a week with my Gal pals, my tribe, playing cards and bingo. I have a cat and a dog that take up a good deal of time. The cat, good and fun time and he is my joy. The dog, senior with multiple special needs and I am not one of his needs. He hates human touch unless he is in a strange place, not our home, then he loves me to hold him and stroke him. Otherwise, he uses all his strenth to push and pull and try to escape my hold on him. I'm always afraid I'll lose my grip and he will fall to his death. Seriously, I am very aware of this possibility because he wiggles and contorts and if he did fall, it would likely cause him to break his neck. He is only 6# of Chihauhua, but he's as strong as any labrador when he needs to escape. So far, 3 years of this,we are both still ok. I love the little mess, but he prefers being alone. This is far from the life I ever wanted or imagined. I hope every day that I dont have to be here many more. I'm ready to go Home and be with my love, my family and friends that have gone before. Life here is now far too empty for me. I know my departure date is set, I'm just hoping it isn't a long way down the road. I am a strong believer and therefore, feel I must have some pupose here that I have not fulfilled. I pray to see that purpose sooner than later so that I may get busy completing my assignment.