Alone and lost in my loss

I lost my husband of 40 years in May of 2022. After 8 weeks of hospitalization and an emotional roller coaster of good news, not much improvement, looking good again...his kidneys finally just stopped and he began the process of leaving us with relief and peace. I could see that in his face. Felt it in the firmness with which he held my hand. When he could speak, he was loving and asking me to please let him go. I promised to do so when he was called home. Told him we would all be ok and would look after each other. Told him he could go in peace, because his work here was done. Told him I would miss him until we joined hands again. Hoping beyond measure that it would be sooner rather than later. I meant every word. I believed we would be okay, the kids, the grands and myself. None of us will ever really be okay again. His loss was much bigger than I allowed myself to believe. Bigger than any of us realized until it was real. The result of all of this is that I now want to pull back from everyone I love because I don't want to cause anyone else this kind of empty existence. This kind of pain. No purpose because my purpose is gone. No future because there is nothing left that I can do. The things I'd like to do, I can't possibly afford. The things I could do, I have no interest in really. So I fill my time by doing the household chores that we used to share, inside and out. I have to pay someone to do the things I'm not physically capable of doing. I spend a few hours three times a week with my Gal pals, my tribe, playing cards and bingo. I have a cat and a dog that take up a good deal of time. The cat, good and fun time and he is my joy. The dog, senior with multiple special needs and I am not one of his needs. He hates human touch unless he is in a strange place, not our home, then he loves me to hold him and stroke him. Otherwise, he uses all his strenth to push and pull and try to escape my hold on him. I'm always afraid I'll lose my grip and he will fall to his death. Seriously, I am very aware of this possibility because he wiggles and contorts and if he did fall, it would likely cause him to break his neck. He is only 6# of Chihauhua, but he's as strong as any labrador when he needs to escape. So far, 3 years of this,we are both still ok. I love the little mess, but he prefers being alone. This is far from the life I ever wanted or imagined. I hope every day that I dont have to be here many more. I'm ready to go Home and be with my love, my family and friends that have gone before. Life here is now far too empty for me. I know my departure date is set, I'm just hoping it isn't a long way down the road. I am a strong believer and therefore, feel I must have some pupose here that I have not fulfilled. I pray to see that purpose sooner than later so that I may get busy completing my assignment.