2) Of all the people in your life, no one can or will hurt you the way your kids do and will.
3) When you are on your last ounce of hope, no one will bring you back from the edge by just walking into the room like your kids can.
4) The less you expect from your kids, the happier your life will be. Everything they do is so much more special if you weren't expecting it.
5) Understand that your children will never know YOU as well as YOU know THEM. Then accept that that is okay.
6) When you encourage your kids to grow up independently, knowing their own mind, making their own decisions and living with the consequences, you are also teaching them not to need you. That isn't always a good thing. Sometimes it is a good thing.
7) Of all the people in your life, no one can make you happier and no one will make you happier than your kids.
8) When you find yourself aging, just a bit, some things become just too difficult to do alone. Call your kids, but understand they also have lives and probably can't come right now.
9) When they call you, drop what you are doing, they may not call next time. If they Do need you, go now.
10) When you think of all the things you have done in your lifetime, everything, if being a parent is the best thing you can remember doing, you have done your best. That is all you can expect from yourself and all the kids can expect from you.
11) When your kids make time for you, appreciate it, enjoy it, relish it and never punish them for not doing it more often. They are busy and have made time to be with you because they wanted to. Appreciate that.
12) When your grown children give you grandchildren do all the things you wish you had done with your own kids PLUS all the things you did do with your own kids. Just leave the parenting to your kids. Grandparenting is a lot more fun.
13) When your grown adult children disappoint you, keep it to yourself and find the silver lining, there always is one. Always.
14) If your grown children do something extraordinarily nice for you, hug them, kiss them, thank them and then thank God for giving you such thoughtful and loving children.
15) If you forget any of these, forgive yourself because you are human. You can hurt sometimes and burst with pride sometimes but you can never stop loving your children, even if they aren't so lovable all the time. Maybe you aren't either.
16) No matter what happens in your life, be thankful you are above the grass another day and that God gave you someone to love forever.
Hey call your kid, give 'em a hug, even if it has to be a virtual one and know how blessed you are.
AND if by chance you ARE the child, keep these things in mind and make time to get to know your parents and make time for them, a little bit anyway.
Jo
This are so very true! #6 is what Im struggling with right now. But it happens!! Very true words Jo! <3 reading this!!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with most of them from time to time. I think parenting is difficult forever and also fabulous forever...people are the best and worst thing about life! LOL and our kids are certainly people!
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ReplyDeleteI think just about all of these make me cry. I look at these kids who drive me bleeding nuts every second of the day and realize how precious life is, how quickly time passes, how great the task before me is and how I want to them to always love me the way that I love them. Not realistic, I know.
As you know, I have a lot of work to do on the parenting thing myself and accepting these is my first step. It'll be a while before I really get it all down, but I will.
DeleteIt is hard to accept your children as independent adults who may choose not to be exactly the people you thought they would be. They might be better!
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with all I'm going through now with my mom, and then having two children not sure who I am right now -- the parent or the child.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're saying. I am both always. Child first and then parent and then wife. That's how it is at this point and it's confusing sometimes and difficult sometimes, but always there's love.
DeleteThis post made me sad. It was filled with some great advice, but it made me sad just the same.
ReplyDelete(HUGS)
Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
I know. Life isn't always the way we want it to be, but it's always the way it's supposed to be. I gain strength from knowing that and I let go of my selfishness more easily when I remember these things. As I have said, we raise them, we love them forever, they are the product of their environment. So we have to know that how we raise our children matters.
DeleteI have never wondered if my kids love me, that is HUGE. And it's enough.
Awesome post! I can relate to all of this--I have 4 grown kids plus one infant granddaughter, and am a nanny to a 2 yr. old. Everything you said here is so true!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks and nice to meet you menopausal mama...thank you for stopping by and commenting.
DeleteI learn more everyday about being a mom in my new age, or a particular day or even just something that falls into my brain from a sentence or experience with one or more of my kids or my mom. Life just keeps teaching.
Excellent post, Jo. We give them wings to fly, and when they do our hearts break.
ReplyDeleteHow funny, as in odd, I wrote something just the other day which said, "I gave them wings to fly on their own and forgot to give them the gps programmed for my heart so they would always know how to come home."
DeleteWith every flap of those wings, my heart aches and my pride in them soars.
Such a dichotomy.
This is really sad....is having kids really worth all of the heartache?
ReplyDeleteYa know, Steven, it is sad, but it is also the very best thing most of us have ever done. I admit, reluctantly, I could have been a better parent had I known then what I know now, but I did the best I could with what I had and they grew into wonderful adults. So YES, it is the most wonderful thing and totally worth the heartache.
DeleteLove is the only venue through which you can be hurt. If you don't love, you don't care. Hurt is not possible if you don't care.
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I love this list--because I am not quite the parent of adult children--but from a child's perspective-- I can so appreciate everyone of these listed. I only wish my parents would read it--but they think so differently!!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post Jo...wonderful!
That is the difficult part of love, Jenn. We have to allow others to love how ever they love. We don't get to choose or describe what parental love is, we don't get to describe how a child should love a parent. We have to learn to accept whatever love is offered in whatever fashion or choose to do without it and for me, that is no choice.
DeleteI loved reading this, coming from a parent's point of view and as a daughter's point of view as well. Wise words, and a great post! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Emily Rose...I am the sandwich generation you know, and I actually am learning much about being a parent to adults from being the adult child with adult children! Whew. It's true though, I see in my mom what I need to be to my kids and sometimes, what I need NOT to be. A work in progress, that's me!
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