Masks

Masks
BFF #138

I have never been good as mask wearing.  I can't be something I'm not. Well, not for very long, anyway.  I can act like I am supposed to in certain situations where being ME might not work out, but it better be a short session.  The real me will sneak out when least expected or wanted.

I can't wear real masks very long either.  They make my eyes water.

There is one area which mask wearing is required in my life and I have gotten pretty good at this one.

I mean people I do business with on the phone, customer 'service' representatives, ha ha ha.

Many of them are the furthest thing possible from customer service anythings.  They think their job is to protect the company from any possible financial loss in the way of correcting a problem for the customer.  In other words, they feel my pain and it totally sucks, but dang it, their hands are just tied as far as doing anything to correct or resolve my issue.  I deal with these people wearing a mask.  I become the nicest and most patient person in the universe as I listen to their long winded tales of how such a thing could have happened and how sorry they are that I was either inconvenienced or unable to use the item I just bought from them, but seriously, it's never happened before and they are going to take every action imaginable to see that it never happens again. Oh, and they also thank me for bringing it to their attention and hope I will remain a valued customer for years to come.

You have talked with these people, right?  I remove the mask as soon as they get to the "sorry" part.  I turn into the bitch of the Midwest at that point.  I then, quietly, clearly and calmly explain how I believe things should now be resolved and I demand what I think I need to have done be done immediately.  If I am not successful with this customer service representative, and I am usually not, I ask for her/his supervisor.  This requires a lengthy hold.  I am patient.  I hold. And hold.  I make coffee.  I hold a bit longer.  I will not hang up.  Bitches do not hang up.

When the supervisor finally comes on the line, I ask how her day off went.  She is not amused.  I don't care. I explain in great and perfect detail how I need my problem resolved and politely wait for her to tell me that is simply not possible, but here is her offer.  That is not going to do it for me, so I suggest we compromise and do it my way.  In fact, I insist.  I again explain this is in no way my fault and the company is entirely at fault for whatever this is or I wouldn't have called in the first damn place.  She (smiling, I can hear it in her voice) tells me she totally understands and since this has never happened before it is new ground for her and her goal is simply to make me happy. What exactly, she asks, is that going to take?

I growl, out loud.  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  It will take you listening to me and doing precisely what I outlined 20 damned minutes ago when you came on the line, which was exactly 49 minutes after the csr failure put me through to your line!  I have now lowered my voice because I have just scared myself and I continue to tell her that my mask has exploded on my face and I can't be nice anymore.  I want a fair and equitable result now and nothing less.  I don't want to talk about it anymore and I am not going to talk with anyone else.  I expect, and I share that with  her, to get what I asked for over an hour ago and I expect to get it with a smile.

She gives me what I want and thanks me for being such a loyal customer and hopes I will continue to shop with her company for all my whatever needs in the future.


I took this blog from the training handbook that apparently all CRS are required to study before answering a phone.  I am quite sure they use my recorded calls to teach how to make each client remove their masks, get frustrated and of course, hang up.  I just never do the hang up thing.

Jo