Sense of Self

As the sixth decade of my life unfolds, I am  comfortable with who I am. I can't do many of the physically challenging things I used to enjoy and running is something my knees prefer that I forego. A couple of years ago, that bothered me, a lot. Today, I am fine with it. I do what I can as often as I can and I accept that some days, I may not be able to do much of anything. Things hurt longer now, chores take longer now and wonderfully enough, I have more time now. So that all works out just fine. Aging is a matter of believing you can, accepting it might not be as easy as it once was and it will take longer with more breaks. I'm there.


All the moral questions I used to have are gone. I feel confident in my judgment now and I never doubt right from wrong. I know what I should do and almost always do so. When I choose not to do the right thing, I know I will pay for that choice in one way or another because karma will never allow that to go unnoticed. I see a lot more gray areas now than I did 20 years ago. I find no pleasure in or need to judge anyone else. I find empathy for people I don't even know sometimes, people who have lost their way in spite of many others trying to help. Any lost soul is sad to me now. As a younger person, that wasn't something I really thought much about or if I did, I would think they were just idiots. I understand now about addiction, about losing the ability to see a sense of one's self. I understand now about being blind to reality in order to do what feels good or removes all feeling. 


My own sense of self is very content. It is very solid and I now know me. I know what I should do; I know what I will do. I know how I feel about almost everything and I don't feel like I need to share all of my opinions with everyone. I will, if asked. I will, if someone might benefit from hearing it.


This aging thing isn't so bad, really. Some days I cannot believe how good life is now. Not every day, but most of them are filled with goodness. When the sad days come, they are difficult and they are heavy. My sense of self isn't questioned, it is what gets me through those days. 


When I write now, I just write what is in my heart or on my mind. I don't worry that it will be perfect. I don't write for the reader as much as I write for the head clearing mental health of the author with a hope that one or a hundred readers will find something they can use or needed to hear in my words.


The sixth decade of my life is a wonderful, comfortable and serene place. I'd like to stay a while longer. It's been a rough road and now it's nearly all paved. 


Jo