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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Confrontation

I suppose, if given the choice, most of us would prefer to go through life never having a confrontational moment. Who needs the stress, right? If the world wasn't full of arrogant a$$holes who are intent on bullying the rest of us nice people, that would help thwart a lot of confrontation. But, alas, the world does have a huge number of these thugs  hanging around taking their pot shots or spewing their venom all around and often at the least able to defend themselves or even to walk away. If you choose not to confront a$$holes just because they don't matter to you, don't warrant your effort, well, good for you!  Me? Yeah, not so much inclined to ignore bullying.  I'm way more inclined to confront. I'm way more inclined to just say what I think needs to be said and I appoint myself to the position of bully-bullier because they need to be told and for some reason, I think I am the one who needs to do the telling.  *sigh*  It's a tough job, but I cannot stop myself from spewing back at someone who is just hateful.  No reason EVER to be mean. (My sister's favorite quote.)  I try not to be mean, just to be honest and straight.  Tell the ignorant one in the nicest possible way, just how ignorant they are behaving and how very little will come from their actions. In other words, "You might as well step in front of a mirror and say those things because the only person you can change with your hate talk will be looking back at you. 
Ignorance breeds ignorance and hate breeds hate. If you speak with hateful words, you're only going to get hateful words and thoughts and deeds thrown back."


Okay, I would never be that calm or that sensible. I would say, "You need to shut your big pie hole and stop with all the shit talk. You need to get the hell out of my space and take your hateful and hurtful ways with you! Seriously, stupid is as stupid does and you, simply, are stupid."


Not very classy, not very nice, but true and most likely what I would say (maybe or maybe have not actually said that in the past).


Confrontation is not one of my favorite things, but I won't back down if I'm insulted or treated unfairly. I won't back down if someone is being pushed around or being made to feel inferior by someone who is clearly not superior. I would hope that if I needed someone to have my back, I would not be confronting anyone alone, but if need be, I still think it's the thing to do.  If you aren't willing to stand your own ground, don't expect anyone to stand with you.


As uncomfortable as it can be, confrontation is unavoidable for people like me. But I must say, a lot of the confrontation I see and hear around me, could be left undone. There are many people who just go around looking for someone with whom they can fight or argue. Please don't be one of those. Please try to ignore or move past slight statements of disgust. Save up your "attack words" for someone who really deserves them. They lose their effectiveness if used too freely or too often.


Maybe it would be an easier life if we all just got along. Sorry, just slipped into my polyanna mood again.  I do so like it there.




:)  and big giant (((hugs))) to all!


Jo

44 comments:

  1. "Maybe it would be an easier life if we all just got along. Sorry, just slipped into my polyanna mood again. I do so like it there."

    You look lovely in rose colored glasses. I think it would be nice if more people wore them, actually.

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    1. I wish that could be the case, but then the world would just be boring, I suppose. The pot needs to be stirred now and again. Maybe is just some of us continue to wear them, it'll balance out. :)
      Thanks Beth....♥

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  2. I think I will just call you the next time I need to confront somebody. You said it way better than I ever could!

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    1. Okay, no problem. You want the nice one or the "I lost my cool" one? :) ♥

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  3. I appreciate your honesty Jo.

    The Universe is our mirror... and I wish I could say that I would ignore a bully, but I am afraid that there are times when I would more than likely heap a pile right back on the biggest and baddest of them. When it becomes something I won't avoid, it is usually a result of someone attacking someone I feel cannot defend themselves (i.e. a child, elder, pregnant woman, lady bug... heh) you get the picture.

    Arguing for the sake of arguing isn't very much fun for me (unless it's an educated debate) and most times the person who wins the argument takes all of the energy exchanged in the process, so I avoid the human vampires!

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    1. I try to do avoid arguments or bullys, but of course, you can't always. When confronted, I don't back down unless the person involved is an idiot, then I just say something like, "You are most likely right." Then I just leave. No reason to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. :)

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  4. I am not good at confrontation. I try to avoid it. I will step in though if I see an injustice to someone unable to defend themselves, at least I try to. I hate bullies. Like you, I wish we could all just get along.

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    1. You got it KAT! Let's make peace. ♥

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  5. Jo the giant killer, I know exactly how you feel, my children are so accustomed to it they even suggest I get involved. Maybe you are a closet firefighter coming to the rescue when needed. :)

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    1. Not brave enough to be a firefighter, but I am smart enough to respect and appreciate every one of them! ♥
      I just don't like bullying, in any disguise.

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    1. Thank you so much Claudia. That is the ultimate compliment. ♥

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  7. Jo, Agree, again, My pet peeve right now is the political pot shots on FB. I really don't think that is the place to spew venom for one side or the other. I may not fit the definition of bullying but at the same time, it's difficult to see people whom you consider friends to try to convince people to their way of thinking by pointing out all the failures of politicians on both sides. I believe in freedom of speech, etc. etc but, I see all the politics I want and more on Tv and billboards and signs and wherever else they can think of. As I said, that in a way I have to watch not to feel intimidated by friends on Fb so I just keep my mouth and hands off the subject. Bullying in any form is still bullying which is not to be confused with 'reality bashing'. Hmmmm, not sure if I said all that so anyone could understand, but, it's off my chest. Velda (: Enjoy your writing.

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    1. I'm not huge on political discussions either. There is so much lying and half-truthing on BOTH sides that I find it impossible to believe any of them.
      I don't care if people post their beliefs or not, I just read or not and move on. You might notice I don't comment either.
      Reality Busting, now that's serious and I will continue to do my sworn duty! :) (With you, of course.)

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  8. My eyeballs are offended. You just said two dirty words, and I'm going to confront you on your potty mouth. Tsk. Tsk.

    Son has a half day today. I'm going to ride a carousel now.

    xo

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    1. I did say dirty words about dirty people. Wash your eyes out, put on your big girl panties and deal! ♥
      Wish I could ride a carousel with your angels. I really love a good carousel ride. No horse for me, though. I am the bench rider. Better to check the missing or loose lights. ♥♥

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    2. You are so witty and completely awesome.

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    3. I am? Thank you. All this time I was thinking I was just plain ole nutz.

      You're pretty danged awesome your own danged self!

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  9. WOW...I dare to ask what brought this post on. However, I love it! Candid, honest, and to the point. I try to avoid confrontations at all cost, because there are some real wacko's out here that won't hesitate to send you to your maker. That doesn't mean I'm soft, just smart. If someone is being down right rude I will not hesitate to speak my mind though.

    Thank you for stopping by and following my blog & I am now following yours.

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    1. Wackos beware of this irate woman, if they push my buttons, I'm gonna explode all over their butts!
      Glad we are buds now...I enjoyed your stuff! ♥

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  10. I think confrontation can be a good thing and life would be oh so boring without it. That said, I don't think I want to be on your bad side ;)

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    1. Jenn, nothing to worry about! I don't jump in quickly, first I try to diffuse with humor, failing that, I am likely to go into full on attack. :) Seldom, really. ♥

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    2. If only we lived in a perfect world where everyone would and could get along!! I agree completely. Unfortunately, a person has to get into people's faces and take care of business. Great post my friend! You go girl!

      Kathy
      http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    3. I couldn't agree more. It's just not possible to always laugh your way out of conversation with jerks, sometimes you just gotta step up and say what needs to be said. ♥

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  12. I so agree with speaking your mind and being straight forward back to those people who are just "ignorant". Took a long time in my life to find the courage to do it, but I am glad that I finally have. (Not 100% yet, but I'm getting there!) :) Thanks for a great perspective on confrontation and how you deal with it.

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    1. I pick my battles. Don't always respond to stupidity, that would be a full time job! lol

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  13. I loveeee your blog Jo! I think I love it so much, because it seems that in a lot of ways you and I are alike ;) I would be the same way. My honesty or bluntness as I like to say has gotten me in trouble a few times ;) I loved reading.. I loved reading your view on it though!! Can't wait to read more!!

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    1. I have sometimes said things I wished I could suck back in the moment they escaped my lips, but as I have gotten older those times are at least, fewer.
      Love your stuff, too! ♥

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  14. I am impressed with your boldness. I agree people need to be held accountable. I have worked hard on this trait to be more blunt. I do quite well now but in the past hated it....

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    1. The ability to choose when to let it go, I think comes easier with age. ♥

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  15. Confrontation is really necessary at times especially when decisions have to be made...everybody deserves a closure. And I agree with you that there are people who are addicted to power play and some engage in unnecessary verbal confrontations because they didn't make it to the law school and they think that taking it out on someone is a good alternative :) Confrontation is really inconvenient and so we really have to lighten up a bit and make it very easy for the people involved unless one is dealing with a really hostile person as I've read earlier among our peers here. At least, that's how I handle confrontation with the kids,less drama. Thank you for wonderfully dissecting this week's topic Jo :)

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    1. Thanks so much and I try always to remember, there is no time ever that being mean is okay. I have asked people on occasion, "Is there a reason to be mean about this?" They usually spit and sputter and end of saying they're sorry, whether or not they are, not sure. Confrontation should always be calm and polite. Just talk, yelling accomplishes nothing but raised blood pressure. The madder I find myself, the quieter I talk. They have to listen harder if I'm not yelling. :)

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  16. I admire your point of view and willingness to stand up and fight when you feel you need to. I am a complete wimp when it comes to confrontations; I'd rather slink away than face up to one. I'm not proud of that, but it's something I've never really been able to overcome, unfortunately. Wish I was more like you, Jo.

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    1. Ya know Elaine, there are a lot of people just like you. It isn't a bad thing. We can't all be fighters or that is what the world would be, a bunch of fighters fighting!
      That being said, I think it's important not to let anyone take advantage of you. You have certain rights and I would hope you would demand what is rightfully yours.

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  17. Well done you tough ol' broad you!
    (How PC is that? Am I gonna hear it now?)

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    1. You are most definitely NOT going to hear it now! HA
      I ain't no push over Buddy and it's good to get that out there. lol
      Thank you, you lovely man for stopping by and saying nice (?) things. ♥

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  18. I like the bully-bullier part. I think there are job opportunities here. And good for you for standing up for those who don't feel comfortable telling others to "shut their big pie-hole". Love it!

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    1. Thanks Denine. I can't stand to see someone being used or bullied. It just forces me to open my big pie hole! ♥ Thanks for stopping and commenting.

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  19. LOL...battle of unarmed wits!

    One of my mentors taught me this, when I just don't want to get into an argument:
    "That is an interesting point, you might be right...PERHAPS I'll think about it and I'll definitely call someone if I need to, thanks."

    Thanks Jo.

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    1. I don't think I could ever tell a bully he/she might be right. HA But, I have a couple of times said something similar, "I see your point. I'll think about that and if I think it needs further explanation, I know where to find you."
      They feel superior and I'm outta there, but that is only good if it's just someone looking to argue. That isn't me. Well, usually it isn't. :)

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  20. I am very good at putting a bully in their proper place (on their ass) when they are harming someone I care about but not so much when they are attempting to harm me...I do it eventually but it takes a very long time while my temper builds up. It happened a couple of times where they thought I was a pushover and then nearly fell over in shock when they realized I will stand up for myself. I hate that it has to get to that point sometimes but it does. Fortunately, I am usually treated very well and those cases of bullying are rare.

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    1. I would have your back! I imagine most people are not confrontational toward you because you are just a very nice person. Sounds simple, but it's a fact that nice people don't find themselves having to defend themselves against bullies often.
      It's a different story if you are nice and appear weak. The you need a buddy who isn't. Not your problem, I don't think. ♥

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