I'M SORRY

 Today's host is found here and this is another BlogFest entry which you can find here with more entries



I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you deserved as a small child. I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you deserved as a teen. As an adult, I hope I am doing a better job, but if not, I'm sorry I'm not what you need me to be. But know you have always been the center of my world.

I'm sorry I'm not the Grandma you heard about in your bedtime stories. I'm sorry I'm not the cookie baking, always at the stove or sitting on the floor with you Grandma you were expecting me to be. I'm sorry your baby years flew by so quickly and you are approaching adulthood with a less than perfect Grandma smiling ear to ear and feeling her heart grow to gigantic proportions every single time she sees your face. But know that you are the very best thing I have ever had a hand in creating.

I'm sorry I haven't been the sister you may have wanted. The one who is always there or always knows what is right and what is to be done or even the one who jumps in and takes care of you, when you need compassion. I'm sorry I wasn't always happy and cheerful and wasn't always as helpful as I could have been. But know that you have always been everything I need in a sibling and that I love you and that you are everything I ever wanted a sibling to be.

I'm sorry I wasn't the wife of your dreams. Sorry I didn't nail the full time job holding, kid rearing, Suzy Homemaker thing. I'm sorry you were often left out of my emotional crisis, when you should have been my confident. I'm sorry I wasted so much time trying to build our future and maybe neglected some of our nows to get here. But know that we have our nows, now. Know that there is no one else I'd rather go forward into my 'golden' years beside than you and know that everyday since I met you, I have loved you.

I'm sorry I am not the daughter you once pictured. The perfect little girl who looked like her mother and behaved in public and never embarrassed you, wasn't me. I do look like you, but that might be it on that list. I'm sorry I made such a mess of my life for so many years and worried you. I'm sorry I haven't always been there for you when you wanted or needed me. But know that I am here now. Know that no matter what comes our way, you have my unending love, my unending respect and devotion. Know that I will love you every minute of my life and to this point, already have done so. Know that I strive daily to make you proud of me. Know that even now, it matters to me that you are proud of your baby girl. Know that I am proud of you every day. Know that when you need me, I am there. Always.

I am sorry I am not the friend you needed. Sorry that when I should have had your back, I was elsewhere. Sorry that I didn't have the words you needed when you were in pain. I am sorry that you cried without me. I am sorry that I cried and didn't include you. I am sorry that when our lives drifted away one from the other, I didn't run back toward you and hold your hand. But know that I love you and value your friendship as another might value gold. Know that when you need a hug, a hand or an ear, I will be there with one or more of each.  Know that when everyone else walks away from you, I will be running to your side. Know that I am a friend for life.

I'm sorry I am not the Christian I should be. I am sorry that even when I know right from wrong, I don't always do right. I am sorry that I may have missed an opportunity today to be a blessing in someone's life. I am sorry I am just me. Nothing more. But know that each day you give me, Lord, I will try harder than the previous day to be a better woman. Know that I will try to be a stronger woman and live a more giving and loving life. Know Lord, that I am your child, a work in progress and I am living this life in love. I hope that's enough.

Jo